Last night, I stopped listening with a bit of irritation - those files sound quite stupid to me. But still, you never know, so I was watching "my body&mind" quite "closely" for any "deviations". I could not find any, but noticed a some kind of "cloud" areas I usually associate with energy flows, meditation or hypno-effects. But, again, there was nothing unusual or related to the files, and went to bed, still kinda thinking about the file.
In the files there were suggestions to have a dildo in your throat while sleeping. I was self-bound several times with a 12cm rubber dildo in my throat, I tried to sleep with such a dildo in my throat - the maximum I could achieve is to drop in very short naps. Also I played with this dildo-gag tightly duct-taped over a layer of stocking worn over my head. It's posted somewhere in the "Home alone" thread. So, I was thinking how I can keep the dildo in while sleeping and, most importantly, *when* I can try this.
Meanwhile, the "pictures in my mind" changes. I was imagining myself as a trans-girl secretary, dressed in white latex blouse, black latex pencil skirt, nylons, high heels, bright makeup, earrings, necklace, long hair, spectacles. My arms are bound behind my back in the box tie with a chest harness. Legs are free, as free they can be wrapped in a tight latex knee-length skirt and high heels. I was not gagged, however my mouth was "used". In all possible ways, even hanging upside-down. I imagined this "situation" in details associatively and dissociatively (like I was the girl hanging upside down and from the outside looking at myself bound in latex), how it would feel bound like that, how I would see the approaching erected cocks, how the cocks would enter my mouth and my throat, how they would move inside and then explode...
I became extremely horny and aroused. Those images were flipping in my mind with no apparent effort from my side, as if on their own, I could not fall asleep. The scene changed to myself as a teenage boy in stockings and high heels, with bound arms, stuck in various positions while taken from both sides. The images changed and changed, in all of them I was feminized, bound and used by strangers. Neither arousal nor erection was going away, but at no point I could think of orgasms - I was the orgasm provider.
Suddenly, my breathing changed. I usually breathe soundlessly with the so-called dissolving breathing (almost as I do not breathe at all). In this case, it was a long deep breathe-in, then long breathe-out, repetitively. I counted around 10 such breaths. After some period it repeated. More, that 10 this time.
And I still could not sleep...
What corresponds to what was suggested in the files... Scary... Exciting...
Finally, I fell asleep. When I was awaken by my cat, my thought returned to those images, but it was nothing close to what was before.
Let's see what my SCM has for me today....