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Another point. Expectations. Expectations is like prejudice (Nana to Kaoru. Chapter 19. Fetish, bondage, dogmas and prejudice). Very unfair, very painful: “You have not met my expectations”, “I expected more from you”. Did we both agree on the list of your expectations and signed it? No? F@#$%^&* off!
Bad expectations, on one hand, may help to prepare in advance or avoid unwanted events. But on the other, it may scare us off and we may miss unique opportunities.
I bet you all have dozens of real life examples, but let’s have look from a bit other side – from the bondage and self-bondage point of view.
No wonder many find both bondage and self-bondage boring. “OK, I’m bound, now what?” (see Bound. What now?). Yes, imagination helps. To some extent. But then we become bored and frustrated. Yes, also one of the bondage points (see Nana to Kaoru. Chapter 21. What real bondage and self-bondage are). However, our less motivated partner after one or too such sessions may (and most likely will) avoid any further any further bondage subjects. “Nah, not for me” – will the most polite form of their refusal.
So, some actions are needed. and here comes the “expecting unexpected” part. We do not know or even do not want to know what comes next. A dildo? Where? A cock? WHERE? More ropes? A slap? Stimulation? And what for price we have to pay for that? Etc. However (yes, again), we still have our expectations. For example, that the partners will not hurt us, that he or she will not do something we absolutely do not accept, etc. So, the “unexpected” is still within our “expected” norms, which, no doubts, MUST be discussed before.
In self-bondage we have no luxury of having a careful and inventive and creative partner. It’s us who should be inventive, creative, skilful, predictable, experienced, you name it, and to be able to recreate or simulate the “expecting unexpected” atmosphere. We do not know when the ice let us free, we do not know if we are able to keep the enema, which comes we do not know when, we do not know when the vibrators start and how long they will be on.
Yes, it’s difficult to invent the ways and implement the mechanisms that will amuse (and pleasure) us with randomness of various events. But this is actually the ultimate self-bondage goal – a virtual bondage partner. (See the randomness discussion in this thread: From ‘normal’ to ‘kinky’ – a personal review of my fetish development)
What we expect in any case, is that at the end of bondage of self-bondage sessions we will be free and unharmed. I hope that this expectation will always be met for all of us.
Amen.
