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You can’t get rid off the outer bondage without conflicts with the society or even with the law. You can only change it. By changing the society, geographical location, the club or your partner. Again, see Paraphilias, sexual fetishes, normality, deviations and men vs women. But you can diminish the influence of the inner one, but this is not an easy task.
Just like it’s not easy to do a back flip when you can do a simple somersault. Or relax when all your life you have been learning (actually taught) how to tense and strain. It’s a long step-for-step process.
It took me years to dare to wear pantyhose with shorts publicly. We were living in a flat and I began with very short (several seconds) sallies to the common area on our floor. Nobody saw me but that was entirely possible. After I became comfortable enough and could endure the heart rate, I decided to go down to the ground floor by an elevator.
That was scary. The elevator could stop at any time and someone could enter! Or what if I had to wait for the lift longer and I would stuck almost in front of the entrance? I have to mention that I was wearing neither black fishnets nor even shiny tan pantyhose. On the contrary, they were 100% nylon 15den almost absolutely invisible Golden Lady tights. Nowadays I would completely forgot about them, but almost 20 years ago…
Must confess, the shorts were on the “too short” side of the scale ;-) Anyway, a couple of week later I made the next step – I went outside (!!!!) and made a short trip around the building(!!!!!!) I did not meet anybody, but at first it was very difficult.
… to be continued …