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Partners involvement in your fetish and how to tell others
#1
How involved in your fetish is your wife or partner? How do they support your or do they take a very active roll in it.

At the moment I do not know how to introduce my miss to my fetish. Any suggestion help!!!!

LOL
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#2
Very difficult question. There are many ways. Mine was quite simple. Me and my future (at that time) wife were playing with different stuff and I introduced one thing after another. I made some errors with bondage because I transferred my own metal thing onto my wife. I think it's a typical male vs female thing.

I'll try to explain.

Women live in feelings, they need to be wanted. Fetishes make women wanted by men. Most women do not care about latex, nylon or bondage unless there is (are) someone who can be attracted by them wearing the fetish object. BUT!!! It must not be the object what attracts the attention, but THEY (with some help from the object, though). The fetish object must increase their attractiveness.

Are you still with me? OK, this time simpler. If you want your female partner to follow you in the world of fetish, you should, no MUST convince her that she looks beautiful in this latex dress, her legs look stunning in these shiny pantyhose, and she's so gorgeous, sexy, vulnerable etc when bound.

Begin with her, then transfer some attention on yourself. Like, "Hey, I want to try that too", "Can you do the same for me?". Or she even can offer you to swap the roles.

But in any case she needs to be assured that it's her whom you adore, not a piece of clothes.
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#3
My fetish tastes lie in similar areas to Ra's, and even now after around ten years of doing things i enjoy i have problems from time to time with the things i do. Can feel guilty afterwards, and to combat that feeling i started wanting to explain myself to people who i thought i could trust, and people who i thought wouldn't react in horror to a man dressing as a woman, or in rubber, etc.

It does depend on what your fetish is, and how secure you are about it. The issue i had was i wasn't sure how someone else would react, and didn't want to get such a bad reaction to negatively affect the relationship. I took the decision to tell a friend first.

I picked something from what i enjoyed that was a normal thing for someone else. Heels is quite an easy one, i made sure i commented on 'nice' heels, and if there was a heel decision i'd pick the higher one, etc.

I remember my girlfriend at the time complaining that walking down stairs in heels was difficult, so after me asking how hard can it be i was challenged to get a pair of heels and she bet i couldn't do it. I didn't take her up on the offer because it would have looked a little suspicious for me to walk comfortably in 4" heels around the house, but i saw that challenge as her not totally against the idea of me in heels. I can't remember how i got it into conversation, but i also had time in her underwear as a dare too.

Halloween was another good opportunity for some fun, there was a girl in our group of friends who loved rocky horror and ever year was wanting it to be a theme.

However after a bit of time gauging her reaction, using handcuffs during sex, etc I simply decided to get the toybox out and explain (We were at university at the time so had seperate places making it quite easy to keep the toybox out of sight), she took it well, and was happy to be a keyholder for a week at a time, and was happy to do makeup on me, and have me wandering around in heels, but wasn't happy with everything i was doing, although she did buy me a nightie, and did a few things that surprised me i don't think she was happy that there were things that i wanted to do that she wasn't comfortable with so i adjusted what i was doing in the relationship. This then causes issues further down the line, and we split.

I'm now with someone else, and she is much more accepting of what i do. She has even encouraged me to the point that i've got wigs, breast forms, and two toy boxes. Her view is that she really likes someone a little different, and happy to try new things. One thing she has said she isn't overly happy with is my transformation into kate, she isn't gay so if i go girl for a night i'm more of a friend than a boyfriend. Rather than doing that i have my girlie weekend when she goes to visit her parents, or spends evenings with friends. Main difference is that she is happy for me to be doing things without her there.

i thought i'd be quite nice to match one evening, so did suggest matching stockings, underwear, and bra. I thought it'd be cute, however she wanted us to be wearing different things, explaining that she didn't want my arse to look better in the thong than hers. This was by no means true, but as Ra says a womans reaction can be unexpected. We laughed about it, but she had made a point.

I rambed a little there :oops: , to summarise i'd try and guess your parteners reaction to what you enjoy doing. Getting them involved is something can help too, but its best sooner or later to just be honest and explain. Better that than her catching you doing something she didn't know. She may come around to getting involved in something after a little time thinking about it, but she won't forgive you as quickly for having something that could be considered a secret.
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#4
Both are very helpful comments!

When my relationship started with my partner. I brought her stockings and suspenders which she enjoyed and the attention. Things devloped further and we got more playful as she did not i could go into a shop and buy the stockings. she then brought hand cuffs and nipple clamps.

We then made the jump and brought a house together. Now she already had a daughter aged 6 at that time. She then asked me if I would do something for her daughters dance school. every two years they do a big dance show and they put in a daddys dance section in there. When the rest of the dances are very serious ours are just slapstick fun. where we did swan lake in tutu's and boots. a queen I want to break free dance in fisnets heels wigs. I had so much fun doing this and enjoy the crossdressing part of it. My partner nearly laughed her head off!! and has already put me forward for the next show.

She does not know that the reason i enjoyed it was because of the crossdressing. but this is what I so long to develop more with my partner.

LOL
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#5
(03 Mar 2008, 02:57 )Like Ra Wrote: Very difficult question. There are many ways. Mine was quite simple. Me and my future (at that time) wife were playing with different stuff and I introduced one thing after another. I made some errors with bondage because I transferred my own metal thing onto my wife. I think it's a typical male vs female thing.

I'll try to explain.

Women live in feelings, they need to be wanted. Fetishes make women wanted by men. Most women do not care about latex, nylon or bondage unless there is (are) someone who can be attracted by them wearing the fetish object. BUT!!! It must not be the object what attracts the attention, but THEY (with some help from the object, though). The fetish object must increase their attractiveness.

Are you still with me? OK, this time simpler. If you want your female partner to follow you in the world of fetish, you should, no MUST convince her that she looks beautiful in this latex dress, her legs look stunning in these shiny pantyhose, and she's so gorgeous, sexy, vulnerable etc when bound.

Begin with her, then transfer some attention on yourself. Like, "Hey, I want to try that too", "Can you do the same for me?". Or she even can offer you to swap the roles.

But in any case she needs to be assured that it's her whom you adore, not a piece of clothes.

As a woman I have to say I mostly agree with you but not completely. I enjoy bondage for the sake of how it makes me feel, not because I want to attract someone.as for latex or nylon(if I had latex, and I really do) I would like it for the feeling it gives me.It would be a definite added bonus if I appear 'sexy' to a partner but for me personally it wouldn't matter.

Besides that I totally agree with you though.Blush
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#6
(31 Dec 2008, 04:39 )bondagefreak.dea Wrote: I enjoy bondage for the sake of how it makes me feel, not because I want to attract someone

This is why I said that you belong to a very rare "breed" ;-)
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#7
One major point/step was missing.

Read this post: http://www.likera.com/blog/wp/archives/2325
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#8
hey guys its me clam, I was wondering about your stories and what advice you can give me

so far i have a pretty strong fetish for bodies (leotards, swimsuits, etc), tights, boots, bondage, etc.
but ive never really told anyone in real life, and i only wear fetish clothes in private

how should i go about telling people? is this somehow wrong (i ask myself)?
sorry guys im just trying to boost my confidence and get some advice

also what i really yearn for is someone i can share my interest in bdsm with (its pretty much just an interest, except for a few failed self-bondage attempts)
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#9
Clam, to begin with, have a look at this thread: http://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/showthread.php?tid=21
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#10
ooo didnt see that (and the link), thanks ra, that sorta cleared things up

i guess i wont be telling anyone for a few years unless they accidentally find out (lets hope to god not)
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