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Poll: Please select the most appropriate description of yourself, now.
You do not have permission to vote in this poll.
My significant other knows my secrets and loves it, maybe even participates.
18.42%
7 18.42%
My significant other knows my secrets and hates it causing serious strain on relationship.
10.53%
4 10.53%
My significant other knows my secrets and doesn't care; let's me do what I like.
21.05%
8 21.05%
I want to tell my significant other my secrets but can't find the courage.
18.42%
7 18.42%
My friends know my secrets and love it.
0%
0 0%
My friends know my secrets and hate it, this strained our friendship
2.63%
1 2.63%
My friends know my secrets and don't really care one way or the other.
7.89%
3 7.89%
I want to tell my friends my secrets but can't find the courage.
10.53%
4 10.53%
Other answer, please elaborate below.
10.53%
4 10.53%
Total 38 vote(s) 100%
* You voted for this item. [Show Results]

To tell or not to tell
#1
This thread was inspired by @"The Inspector"'s response in this thread.  I get that some people have had genuinely unpleasant encounters regarding their sexual fetishes which would make them, understandably, hesitant to ever bring up the topic to a loved one again.  However, maybe some of us kinky people are just being overly worried about something that's not that big of a deal.  I would like to share some of my experiences in life in hopes that I might help others to find strength in their own honesty.

I used to be paranoid about people finding out about my desires.  I was around 19 - 20 years old at the time, and decently straight-laced in public.  I was not new to dating, but I was experimenting with being in a relationship with a man at the time.  We worked together, at a television station.  I was a broadcast engineer and he was (still is) a tv weatherman.  He was always wanting to party and be social in general, so we had a lot of parties at our house.  Despite the fact that he and I were in a kinky relationship, he would still wing-man for me to find girls to have fun with.  Honestly it was an awesome time in my life and would definitely do it all again.  I didn't realize what he was telling these college girls to see if they were interested but I happened to be in our kitchen  one evening where we were all tipsy and he told this gorgeous brunette about my bondage gear collection.  When he did that, I was petrified.  I thought, "ohh great, I'll be the town freak now; a social pariah. No one will ever want to hang out with me because I'm weird", but no, that's not what happened.  This cute brunette looked at me with a sly grin and said, "I loooove me some handcuffs" while, sort of, miming having her wrists bound together in front of her.  I'm sure my jaw must've hit the floor at that point.  Not only had I realized that this lovely young lady was possibly a willing participant in my mad world of bondage, but I also realized that other people's reactions (in the room) were somewhere between completely neutral to slightly intrigued by what she said.  For the most part, no one really cared one way or the other and certainly no one got angry or scared and ran away.  Since that happened, I've been open about my kinks to everyone I've been in a relationship with and almost all of my friends.  Where I usually draw the line is telling people at work, but I have made exceptions to this rule.  Even then I will still use my brain to try and determine the way people might react if I did tell them.  The last time I was unsure about telling someone at work about my kinks, I started off with something almost any man could understand, regardless of kinky preference.

I used to work with a dude at a machine shop that I was becoming decently good friends with.  Good friendship equals in depth shop banter about many subjects, including girls, etc.  I decided to test a method of letting someone know I'm kinky without seeming too weird.  One day we were working and chatting (like any other normal day) and we ended up on the subject of hot chicks, which is totally normal conversation between two guys in a machine shop.  I figured I could sneak a little of my fetish in to gauge his reaction.  We were talking about some hot girls and I said something like, "I bet a tight, shiny rubber suit would look great on her", or something similar (paraphrasing).  He paused a bit and kinda repeated the question back to me as if to inquire whether I really said that out loud.  I said something like "yeah, I know I'm weird, but how can you not like a hot chick with an amazing body wearing tight, shiny clothes.  You gotta admit that's sexy as fuck, right?".  He just kinda chuckled a little at what I said and said something like, "Yeah I can get that.  So you like chicks in tight clothes?"  I said, "No dude... I like girls in tight, shiny clothes... like rubber.  Also, it makes finding porn easier since these ladies are mostly, completely covered in their photos and videos; so you can even find them on youtube."  He said, "Awww yeah! that makes a lot of sense... Cool!"

The conversation he and I had was totally unnecessary as part of our friendship, but served as a proof of concept that I can basically tell almost anyone that I'm kinky, to some degree, and not be worried about it having any negative repercussions later.  If I had wanted to continue to tell my work friend about my proclivities; hypothetically, I could have said something like, "Ohh wow, I'd let her keep me locked up in her basement for a few days" while discussing a photo of a random hot girl he may have found.  If you say things with a smile or a giggle, it seems to cut down on the severity of whatever you're saying and lightens the mood.  Really, it's all about reading the people you're with and building rapport.  I feel like most people have a threshold for being weirded out and if you "turn up" the weird stimuli really slowly, you can effectively raise people's thresholds until they are ultimately unaffected by whatever it is you eventually want to tell them.  If I had told my co-worker that I tie myself to my bed for hours on end while wearing full latex and having a vibrator strapped to me, he probably wouldn't have wanted to speak with me very much after that... that would be too, much too fast and any rapport we built would likely be lost for an extended, perhaps even permanent, period.

Regarding telling my significant others that I've had in my life, I usually mention my desires very early on in dating.  For my most recent, and still current, relationship (going on 6 years now), I actually flirted with her online by jokingly alluding to kinky behavior.  If I remember correctly, she said she would not be available the next day, for voice chat, at the normal time we had been chatting.  She said she was going to be tied up the next day doing stuff with her family.  When she said that phrase, it caught my attention so I responded with, "tied up, huh?" (Imagine me saying this to her on skype voice, not video, with a sly grin on my face and one eyebrow raised.)  She said something like, "Uhhhhh, ummm <clears throat sarcastically>... that's -not- what I meant when I said that."  I quipped back with, "Yeahhhhh, surrreeee", and then we both giggled about it for a few minutes.  That one moment in our history broke the ice and sparked a wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for anything else right now.  If it hadn't happened, she and I might not have gotten together.  If she had responded negatively to that exchange, I likely would not have pursued a relationship with her any further.  My fetishes are too strong to conceive of me trying to live in a relationship where I don't get to exercise my kinky side at all.

I really could go on and on about my experiences with letting people get to know the real me.  My mom knows I'm kinky, she's seen me wearing a latex leotard I made.  She even gave me some pointers how how to make the pattern.  A few years ago, when my dad was moving, he asked me if I wanted his giant garbage bag of institutional restraints... of course I wanted them.  All of these experiences add up to one conclusion in -my- life; that, for the most part, people don't care what you do as long as the participants are willing and reasonably safe about it.  Even people who were initially puzzled by my motivations to be honest about my kinky life, have totally warmed up to the idea of me being publicly open about this subject.

There are lines I try not to cross, however.  I don't talk about these things with kids.  That's just not appropriate.  Additionally, I wouldn't openly discuss these topics in my current job.  For one, my job mostly involves office work and secondly, the few co-workers I have are overtly religious and so I don't want to even try and see if they would be offended by my openness.  However, if any of them were to ask me about my penchant for kink, I would give them a carefully phrased/worded, yet truthful, answer.

I would like to read anyone else's experiences in this matter, both positive and negative.  Hopefully we can share some wisdom that will help others alleviate misplaced fears.
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#2
Just in case:

https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...r-fetishes
https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...live-alone

And other sticky polls in https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Forum-...e-yourself
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#3
Interesting post. I guess my comment in the other thread only eludes from my experiences. I had someone I worked with at a previous job that made a quip about bondage in a conversation with the lads. Never seen someone so offended. The disgust on our bosses face and the rant that followed about f**ked up people and queer folk is probably part of the reason I stay so private.

It attached a certain caution to the issue and I have always kept stuff suppressed since. It portably was one intolerant bad egg. But it certainly has had a lasting impact on me.
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#4
The ones with phobias and the ones with philias will never understand each other.

https://www.likera.com/blog/wp/archives/10124
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#5
Like I say, I think @essanym is probably right with his outlook. I think I may have a phobia of not fitting in. I guess, come to think of it I am somewhat afraid of not being part of the status quo, (maybe down to being bullied at school as said in my introduction post), I wonder if that has only spiralled into worry in my more recent years.
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#6
I think that most people don't really care, but then there are also those who, even though they are kinky themselves, feel so guilty about it, that they attack others for it to make themselves look not-kinky.
The mind can be quite warped.

I once read a joke, that if you tell people a kinky story, half of them believe it cannot be done and the other half are doing it.
Now, whether they would want to admit it......

I decided I just do my thing. If anyone ever finds out, nice for them.
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#7
(29 Apr 2019, 14:30 )The inspector Wrote: Interesting post. I guess my comment in the other thread only eludes from my experiences. I had someone I worked with at a previous job that made a quip about bondage in a conversation with the lads. Never seen someone so offended. The disgust on our bosses face and the rant that followed about f**ked up people and queer folk is probably part of the reason I stay so private.

It attached a certain caution to the issue and I have always kept stuff suppressed since. It portably was one intolerant bad egg. But it certainly has had a lasting impact on me.

I can certainly see how that would affect you.  Also I get the feeling that such a reaction would be considered the exception rather than the rule.  Usually, when someone reacts so negatively about something like this, it probably means that he's quite the homosexual kinkster and really hates that about himself.  What a shame to spend so much of your energy on self loathing.

There's a strong chance I would have gotten fired that day if I had been in your shoes.  I have a bad habit of confronting people like that when I detect those sort of hypocritical protests.
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#8
(29 Apr 2019, 16:27 )The inspector Wrote: come to think of it I am somewhat afraid of not being part of the status quo

We should all celebrate not being part of the status quo.  I love that I have fetishes and I love that other people have their own different, fetishes.  I'm glad rule 34 is a thing.  How boring would this earth be if we were only driven to sex for procreation?  I watched a video just yesterday where someone said that pretty much everything humans do is guided by the need to procreate.  Building fancy houses and accumulating lots of wealth is so you can attract the best mates and build stable families.  To take that a step further, I would theorize that people are also driven by their weird fetishes as much or more than the need to have progeny.  I can say with 100% certainty that my need for latex and bondage is a part of my most basic nature and, ultimately, motivates most of my decisions.  That's why I think we should be happy we're weird.
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#9
Building on that theory, if Ihad kicked off and said something it wouldn’t have put me in a great position to do as you suggest and build a stable life to procreate. Unfortunately the career pays for the roof over the head and the food on the table. I will normally say something in 98% of cases and stick up for the “little guy” but oddly when it concerns me and opinions of me I cower. I can’t explain why.
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#10
Well I clicked the ‘other’ option in the poll as realistically I needed a...

“Wife knows a lot of my kinks but not all of them.”

Rubber, bondage, some toys yes, has participated yes knows everything.... no
I keep thinking I’m going to chat about some other topics and I seem to go round and round in 6 months loops with the shall I tell her? But so far I have not..

What do I want to discuss... a bit of chastity play, anal toys/strap on play

Will
I mention that I sometimes tie myself up when she’s not around... probably not!
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