See all chapters and related articles here.
Another point – having the “right” partner is crucial. It’s never an easy task, but what makes it more difficult is a couple of added ingredients: fetish and bondage.
“How do I tell her/him that I like … ?” When I was a kid I thought that I was a hopeless pervert. Hey, who can call a person normal if he likes to be tied and gagged in pantyhose and swimsuit? I could not imagine that I would ever tell that to anybody! But now quite a few people know about my “little secrets” and I suppose they do not think of me as of a danger to the society ;-)
What really helps is being free from the inner bondage (see previous posts). The difference is quite obvious. A shy person with no self-confidence and with no internal freedom will look ridiculous whatever he or she wears or does. Put a good business suit on such a person and he (OK, to keep it simple let’s assume that it’s “he”) may look ridiculous. Put a pink dress with fishnets on a guy with a “drive” and it will look cool and even brutal.
If someone thinks that his “deviations” are shame, most likely he will find a corresponding partner who will treat him like a disgraceful pervert. Or he will lurk his entire life, trying to squeeze his harmless passion out of him…
If you think “features” and not “deviations” or “perversions”, speak freely but without agitation, who knows, you may even “convert” boring vanilla public or at least convince them to try something new ;-P