- pick a suitable object
- insert it in a suitable hole
- pull it out
- repeat 2…4 as fast or as slow as you want, until the fun is over
But sometimes this simple procedure fails. If it fails at step 1 or 2, there is nothing serious to worry about. But what if it’s step 4?
“Houston, we have a problem.”
In other words, the dildo is stuck inside. Have you experienced that? I have. Once. I made a DIY dildo (a condom with cured montage foam inside). Not too big, about 4x15cm, very simple, cheap and extremely comfortable. I used it in a self-bondage session, during which it slid in completely (to my great pleasure, I must admit).
When the session is over I discovered that the dildo did not want to get out. I could grab the bottom part of it with the tips of my fingers, but it did not help, the muscles, the vacuum and the curvature of the guts kept it inside. No pain at all, on the contrary, it was quite pleasurable.
After about an hour of squirming around (I tried really hard to expel the plug, using all methods I could think off, I almost decided to go to the hospital) I pressed with my hands on the abdomen and pushed the dildo out. Actually, it was simpler than I thought, but I got rid of that plug immediately.
However, not everybody in a similar situation is lucky enough. The only solution – go to the doctor as soon as possible. Do not wait. And do not try to make a stupid story like “I fell on this 40cm latex snake”. Let’s see what doctors think:
A quite large dildo that is beyond the point of self-retrieval, in the rectum and sigmoid of a patient.
These cases are more frequent than you might imagine. Many of these patients will state that “they fell on it”, or use some accidental method of rectal penetration as an explanation for why they are in the ER. Some even go so far as to say things such as: “I was attacked by a group of men who did this to me.” Nearly all of these types of cases are patients who were trying to achieve or enhance sexual gratification through anal and rectal stimulation. What I do appreciate though, are the patients who are in this situation and just get brutally honest. “I was getting off on this thing in my ass and it went too deep.” It’s not that I don’t respect the people that make excuses. I can’t even imagine the horrific embarrassment of having to go to the ER to have a ‘still vibrating’ dildo removed from your rectum. Definitely a very personal thing, no matter who you are, and many would be too mortified to tell the truth to strangers. It’s just that every now and then, someone comes in and says: “I love these things in my ass. I got one stuck and I can’t get it out, will you help me?”
I respect that kind of honesty.
As you can see on the radiogram, the motor was still rotating.
I don’t remember my chemistry professors teaching this use of the device.
I was discussing this case with a colleague and the point was posited that these types of unusual objects as rectal foreign bodies aren’t seen as frequently as they were in the past. I made the argument that this case was in 1994, and the World Wide Web was in its infancy. There weren’t really any internet “storefronts” at that time where one could discreetly purchase devices intended for anal insertion (although there were certainly actual stores where one could) so objects such as this one served as the next best thing.
A “lab grade” cylinder with a glass base would have been a safer approach than the “student grade” type with a removable base. Though the patient may have tried to insert base end first if one were available!
If you think that this is not impossible because of the sigmoid, or because it looks like the cylinder protrudes through the body, this is the explanation:
The glass was of the Pyrex (borosilicate) type. The atomic density of this particular cylinder exceeds that of the pelvis.
Provided the object being placed into the sigmoid does not penetrate too rapidly, it will (the sigmoid) stretch to accommodate even objects of this length without mucosal or muscularis wall injury. There is quite a range of give that these portions of intestine can go through.
Colonoscopy goes much further retrograde into the colon than this cylinder has, and although the colonoscope is flexible, it can’t navigate the natural curve of the sigmoid itself. Some straightening of the sigmoid occurs even then.
It only appears as though it extends beyond the patient in the lateral image. The tissue density falls dramatically near the skin at the tip of this object. Only the cylinder is visible at this end and thus, makes the appearance of protruding out of the abdomen.
A.V. Kitz wrote:
I have had conversations with nurse friends about this phenomenon and I have come to an armchair psychiatric conclusion: most of these people might actually be interested more in the actual retrieval than the insertion. And perhaps it is the very fact that they have to go to a hospital and have it done, where many people will be involved, is exactly what they are into. I mean, the guy who has a jar of jam AND a potato up there surely knew that he was looking at some surgery (and the actual images are posted there…ugh*) I have a a Retrieval Friend: someone with whom the trust is mutual enough to be the one to call if something should appear irretrievable as I’d sooner die than do to the hospital with this problem…NOT that I have a problem…really! hmmm, that came out weird. ha ha.
This was akin to the theory that A.V.Kitz’s had. No excuses given. The patient was known as a repeat customer when they presented to the ER.
. . .
Breaking glass would certainly complicate removal. It’s always best to try to remove these intact, via the rectum. If breakage does occur and the fragments can’t be covered to prevent laceration of the rectum and anus, then the last resort would be to surgically open the area and remove the fragments. Relatively high risk in this area of the body.
Based on ~200 cases (source), this is the top seven list of the “lost and found” things in rectum:
- bottle or jar – 32
- vibrator – 23 (may be more – text unclear)
- dildo – 15
- glass or cup – 12
- stick or broom handle – 10
- light bulb – 7
- tube – 6
No wonder that bottles and jars have won. They are always and everywhere available, have suitable shapes sizes and … flat bottoms. So easy to insert, then .. snap!
According to radiopaedia.org and the above mentioned source the reported objects also include various vegetables, axe handles, curtain rods, fluorescent tubes, frozen pig’s tail, toothbrushes, toothbrush holders, toothbrush packages, salamis, knives, knife sharpeners, screwdrivers, various balls (baseball, tennis, cue), stones, chains, etc, etc, etc…
But that’s not all. People’s creativity knows no limits and goes beyond insertables. From the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology:
During the last 20 years, sexual habits have changed in western society. Both homosexuals and heterosexuals have shown an increasing interest in anal erotic practices, including the use of enemas for sexual enjoyment. We report a case of a klismaphiliac who had an impacted foreign body in his rectum following an enema with a concrete mix.
A 20-year-old man presented to the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. A well-nourished, well-developed man without signs of intoxication was admitted in no apparent distress. Digital examination of the rectum revealed a stony hard mass. Abdominal plain films showed a vertically oriented, low-lying radiopaque object in the rectum. A spherical radiolucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass. A blood alcohol level was negative. No other drug testing was performed.
Upon further questioning, the patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been “fooling around.” After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.
Under general anesthesia, the anus was dilated and two Foley catheters were inserted alongside the rectal mass to relieve suction. A concrete case of the rectum was delivered without incident. The rectal mucosa was intact with a hyperemic and edematous appearance.
The patient was kept overnight and discharged uneventfully the following morning. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined.
Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 X 7 X 5 cm and weighing 275 g (Fig. 2). A thin layer of feces coated the surface and crevices. Grooves in the mass were consistent with rectal mucosal folds. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping-pong ball. This corresponded to the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.
- Anal (vaginal) play is fun!
- Take an enema in advance (for many reasons)
- No glass objects up there!
- While inserting an object completely in your rectum or vagina sounds (looks and feels) like a good idea, leave something to grasp at outside (at least a rope).
Use lots of lube.
- If it’s stuck, press on you abdomen, pushing the object outside with you hands.
- You may try to use forceps (carefully! do not pull your guts outside!)
- Go to the nearest ER as soon as possible.
- Do not make stupid excuses like: “Being asleep I fell on this fist-shaped (still vibrating) dildo”.
- Use common sense.