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Wife & pantyhose fetish... Out of ideas, sick and tired (help)
#1
Following the request, the original message has been removed for privacy/confidentiality reasons.

The thread will not be removed because of the contributions made.

The original subject was about pantyhose/bondage fetish acceptance by partners.
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#2
I know what you're talking about. And sorry, I can't help either. I do understand both parties, though. The one I belong to, and the other because I have some experience.

This is something what happens way too often. You are way to kind to your fiancee. I've heard about a man who tried to make her wife to put on stockings and pantyhose erotically, sexually and exciting (for him, of course) and not like he was pulling his socks on. But his wife (former wife now, they divorced) was so indifferent to pantyhose like my wife to latex, or me to mohair or cotton.

You might be successful in your quest of turning your wife into the world of fetish, but sometimes (see the examples above) it's simply not possible. Some people can't do splits because of their anatomy, some people can't play musical instruments because of bad hearing, some people allergic to latex, some are claustrophobic and cannot wear hoods, and some just don't like something for no obvious logical reason.
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#3
See this post: http://www.likera.com/blog/wp/archives/4525
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#4
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Greetings there Folks.

This is a subject that is highly complex, as much as human behavior and defies any easy answers. I shall attempt to offer possible insight here. I should care to preface this from the viewpoint of one who has spent the better part of a lifetime trying to place square pegs in round holes. When this works, which it does, albeit rarely, the results are equally rarely satisfying.

The vast majority of humans are born bisexual wherein, raised in a "neutral" environment, they would have less preference for one sex over the other. Some are born homosexual, 4-9+% (depending upon reference sources). Humans are born with only two phobias: the fear of heights and loud noises. All others, snakes, spiders, depths, claustrophobia, hemophilia, racial bias, etc. are learned. Fetishes occur in men about ten times more often than women and as Like Ra made point, most fetishes in women are behavior related. With men, a fetish most often is about an object or use therein. Women have a desire to be the object. Physiologically, females are almost always superior to males of most species and many times bigger, at least in lower species of the animal world. As example, most spiders have the female twice the size as males., Males live fast, hard and expire quicker. Males are very visually oriented, easily attracted to a physical type. The reasons are prehistoric. Early humanoids had to devote a lot of resources to simply exist. They did not have leisure time to have drawn out sexual relations. Find a mate, do it, move on. One reason the majority of humans have a distinct negative reaction to fingernails scraping on a caulk board is this represented the sound of say tiger tooth tiger claws on a rock and prehistoric man was on the cats menu. Selection of a potential mate was in part based on the size of a females breasts- the bigger the mammeries the more milk, hence more food and the higher the chances offspring would survive passing on the genes. This in part explains why many men are attracted to big tits, it's simply hard wired into the brain from primordial times.

Humans are capable of sexual stimulation very early in development with studies suggesting it possible will still in the womb. Fetishes usually occur due to the event of a (sexual) stimulus while in contact or sight with an object, event, series of events or combination. Humans also have a sexual thought much more often than most realize which especially when younger and in the formative time has potential to develop a fetish. Most fetishes are well established by the age of five. As Like Ra made mention, women with a fetish usually like to be part of an active situation, the main character in a romance novel as example.

Fetishes come in a variety of manners from rather minor and mild to dehabilitating to the point one cannot function without the fetish object. This last case scenario is fortunately rare though does occur with this dysfunction unusual in women. Some fetishes are very socially acceptable (think big breasts again) to totally unacceptable, like involving kids. When attempting to incorporate a fetish in a relationship, unless there is a mutual involvement the long term chances of success are diminutive. When one party hides an aspect it will always be a burden and satisfaction will rarely be obtained, like an itch that is never really scratched. This works on a lot of levels and far beyond fetishes. Even when and if a partner accepts certain behaviors, unless they participate the same satisfaction consequences prevail. This is quite like a fantastic car lacking an engine or guitar without strings. All other areas of a relationship may seem to be perfect though with the "hidden" part in the mix it is like painting over rust and eventually will sabotage the relationship- it's just a cover up. While all the other aspects may seem wonderful, in reality, due to the "hidden agenda" they are not. Depending upon many factors and what level of acceptance is involved, with a yearn that is never sated, again, long term successful prospects are slim. I speak from experience, both personally and from an observational standpoint. Though interpersonal counseling is outside of my usual arena, it is something that comes with the territory of shrinkdom and I have had dealings as such with individuals and couples.

When younger, most are much more open to concepts and ideas. The further one moves from that point the less open the mind becomes. Over at the SHQ Forums, there are many that lament their cohorts refuse to entertain the idea of wearing anything as archaically urbane as stockings. The stigma attached is simply disgusting to more than a few. Similar circumstances exist for the many here, one of acceptance. Reasons are numerous and I'll, only lightly expound on one. Most people lose sight of their goals and become much more reserved with age. When we were younger, a lot of us dreamed of a nice bach pad, sporty car and a bevy of attractives to dally with. Instead, the most of us ended up living in a less than stellar apartment with two or three others, a car with a bad cylinder and a job flipping burgers. Most people will spend more time planning a vacation then their future. These folks lost sight of their goals and let their spirit be crushed. Another example is how the general populace is so easily influenced. I'll use the wearing denim and flip flops as example. People have a herd mentality and are pretty incapable of employing the independent thought process and get a little bent when they encounter those that do. At the same time that these brainwashed minions castigate others different, they are led to believe they are blazing a new path, on the cutting edge of fashion when in fact they act and look like each other. In other words, they are unique, like everyone else. What the majority of these people need is to take a long look in a full length mirror and have someone summon the fashion ambulance. Another side is when encountering something not easily understood (be that wearing hosiery to any fetish we as a collective may have) it scares people and the common, typical reaction is to make fun of it, or worse. This simply reflects insecurity. Don't understand it, kill it. Age old solution for a lot of things. Recall that part about learned behavior...

When engaging in a relationship, concerning or including an interest (or in again say our collective interests) it is much better to bring it out early on for a plethora of reasons. Best to find straight away should a fetish be totally unacceptable because should a relationship be built without knowledge or as a hidden agenda, there will never be an achieved level of ease or satisfaction. Alternatives always exist and some may find (and do) a mutual solution. Professional or side services may work, allowing that the "average" sort probably can't afford such and there is a certain emotional cost involved: most of us would enjoy play with one we had an emotional connection with than alternatives. Regarding pros or even semi pros; they usually have an innate built in understanding of human psychology and are quite good at what they do. A possibly nice substitute but again lacking in the emotional connection areas. The same may be said for any other subs. In essence, there will always be that sense that something is missing. Related, the most important people in a well run military organization are the clergy and the shrinks which are sometimes one and the same. Which brings all of this to this: one must know and understand themselves before they begin to understand much about anything. To solve a problem, even if just perceived, one must accept there may be one to begin with. The very vast number of us and indeed any others with an unusual lust (I say that as for one, I am far from "average" or "normal"- whatever that is, otherwise I'd be satisfied wearing white socks, drinking Budweiser and watching football) have for the most part a difficult time dealing with that. As a result, it is rare to find an understanding and participating cohort. That can and does happen as does finding a "soul mate". I've met sooooooo many mismatched, dysfunctional or otherwise incompatible people which too often result in offspring. This could be worse, there are societies that have pre arranged marriages though to be fair, there is a great cultural difference involved.

So, to conclude, fetishes do exist, we attest! Partners can be found that not only accept but engage and indulge. There is always the "eternal compromise" involved so knowing oneself allows a much better chance for a congress or union to flourish. Related, don't lie or hide, starting with yourself, anything else is recipe for disappointment , or worse. Generally speaking, "we" are outside of the mainstream with regards to the "normal" parameters of society and as result it is harder to find like minded people, however, not impossible. Keep the aforementioned in mind and the chances are one will have a better time in pursuit of a quest. One last, the fear of rejection is strong. That must be dealt with before an effective relationship can progress. This is a prominent occurrence among the majority of the population and even more so among those with "odd" penchants which due to stereotyping creates an unbalanced social stigma. One must get past this to truly achieve personal emotional satisfaction.

Hope that sheds a bit of light on a tough subject. Like I say, there are no pat answers and everyone must find their own levels of acceptance.

And,

Hope everyone is up on this, there's a test next Thursday...

All the Best,

Dworkin
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#5
yep you just can't make your girl like it, so just try to enjoy it yourself and keep the relationship as another part of your life..
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