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#1
Hi everyone,
This is my first post here. I recently had an awesome experience during my regular pilates classes. I want to share this to help others who may have similar anxiety like myself.

I have been doing pilates regularly now for about 3 years. In the past, I took private lessons from someone else and her business transitioned from an at-home studio to a studio in a commercial building. That change brought difficulties to me because the new studio had floor to ceiling mirrors. I do not always like how I look and the mirrors were not helpful. This led me to stop lessons until I could find someplace different.

I have been very fortunate to find an instructor who is able to give me private lessons at her home. However, I have been very cautious about what I wear there. I am not sure about if I am being disrespectful by wearing tight clothes and having the outline of my genitals show. This is something that I struggle with because I sometimes wish my male parts were not there and I did not have to worry about this.

At first, taking lessons from her, I wore my spandex underneath a t-shirt and sweat pants. I never liked this because it was hot and I was adjusting my clothes often. It took me some months to find the courage to ask if she minded if I took off my sweat pants as I was not sure how she would feel about it. I explained to here how society often looks down on male genitals and I was not sure. As always, I wear a dance belt or at least the padded front part to smooth out the detail. She accepted my appearance as no problem and that was a big relief.

The spandex that I would usually wear at that time to pilates would be a unitard with a tank top over it. Many months went by again and I asked about if she would think it would be a problem if I took off my tank top and wore the unitard openly. Again, that was received well. It was a great hurdle to pass. I was finally free of unnecessary layers and everything stayed in place. It took some more time for me to be comfortable like this. I was never teased or judged and my confidence grew.

Instagram has its ups and downs as far as how members of society treats of each other. Following certain people on there who are in the pole-dancing community has helped me learn to be more comfortable in my own skin. They practice and perform in front of others while wearing very little and do it without ridicule.

I have had thong leotards for many years and have loved how they look on me when combined with some sort of legwear (ankle length unitard, capris or shorts) but have not had the courage to wear them around others.

Halloween was coming this year and almost on a whim (in my terms) I decided I wanted to go to pilates this Halloween in an 80's-90's aerobics outfit. It consisted of a thong leotard as a base layer to hold my male parts in place with the dance belt padding in front. A black matte Capezio semi-opaque body tight for the legwear. A blue and orange nylon lycra, racer-back thong leotard on top. A pair of blue legwarmers, a blue headband and orange wrist bands to finish off the outfit.

I had to buy the headband and wrist bands, but I aeady had the legwarmers tights and leotard. I put it all on to be sure and I made my decision to go. This was a few days before Halloween. The day before my next class I told my teacher that I was going to wear a costume and that kind of made it difficult for me to chicken-out. I did not tell her what I would be wearing, but she was excited to see what it was and I would be letting her down if I backed out.

The time came for me to get dressed and go. There were butterflies in my stomach for sure. I wore a t-shirt and sweat pants over it for the drive there and removed the outer layer when in the studio. It was hard to maintain my composure and even carry a simple conversation as my anxiety was high.

I can say that I was well accepted and she really liked my outfit. We spoke a little about how each other's week was going and that eased my anxiety. The exercises were going well. I had a feeling of liberation and it all felt right.

About half-way through, she told me that I should dress like this more often. I was kind of stunned hearing that!!! i was like OMG on the inside! That took me from a guarded sense of being to accepted to certainty. It was such an amazing thing to hear after my internal struggles. A great barrier for me was finally broken. To make things even better, it felt so great exercising dressed like that. I put more effort in and it seemed like things were easier.

I wish everyone would treat others with respect. It took me a long time to come out of my spandex closet and it was 100% worth it. I regret not asking or making forward movement sooner. I hope anybody here can find their way past what stops them from enjoying life as life is too short and should not be wasted.
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