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Living in the self-bondage 'closet' - a survivor’s guide
#1
The perils and challenges of a closet Self-bondager!

A light-hearted look at the side of our hobby we seldom discuss:

Isn’t it odd, that in an age where ‘coming out of the closet’ to announce that you are gay is perfectly acceptable, whereas if you where to be found out as a pantyhose, lycra or latex wearing self-bondager you would be almost certainly be the subject of ridicule and hounded by the popular press (people in the UK will know the newspapers I’m talking aboutAngry).

And yet, what you and I are doing doesn’t involve anyone else (well it is ‘self-bondage’ – DUH!Undecided) and for the vast majority of time takes place in the confines of our own homes! I know that I don’t hurt anyone, I don’t impose my will upon others and I like to think that I help boost the economy with my purchases of all that lycra, expensive latex clothes, all those pantyhose (they don’t last so long when you keep tying yourself up!Blush) and all that rope – not forgetting the gags, plugs, leather cuffs, etc!

So here I am, a perfectly respectable gent, in the prime of my life (I like to think soBig Grin) – hiding behind a pseudonym, covertly purchasing my ‘toys’ and generally doing my level best to remain hidden away from everyone.Blush

Now, I don’t know how this works for all you other happy souls out there in the big wide world, but here is a light-hearted (but only too real) look at the silly lengths that I go to in order to keep my dreadful secret!

Purchasing items:

The internet has been, for me at least, the most wonderful thing to ever happen. I can browse for hours to find those items I use in my sessions. No longer do I spends days picking up the courage to visit a sex shop to buy a gag or plug – 10 minutes on Google or eBay and the item is mine.

But it’s not that simple… how do I arrange the delivery to avoid the prying nose of my loving (but maybe not completely understanding) partner? She’s bright and intelligent (top tip #1 – always, always clear the cache and temp files on your PC, delete the ‘recently viewed’ section of eBay and remember to log-out of those wonderful website forums).

My tactics are to align major purchases with birthdays and Christmas (or any other festival you chose celebrate) – obviously you must also purchase items for those who witness the deliveries, so plan very carefully.

I still buy some items from shops – rope is a simple enough item, as is cling-film (saran wrap) and tape. Pantyhose/Tights/Stockings require, for me at least, some nerve and I ‘hide’ them in amongst a more general ‘mega-shop’. I’m sure I must look a little odd, as I carefully examine my long ‘shopping list’ and select the packets from the hosiery section of the supermarket. One plus of this is that you can earn much Oddly, buying some items of Lycra is much easier – the swimsuit and lingerie sections of most major stores have assistants only too willing to help the ‘baffled husband’ chose something for his wife. (Top tip #2 – hide or destroy the receipts, you’d be amazed how intently some partners will analyse a bill to see what you’ve been spending the household allowance on!)

Where to store your toys:

So, you’ve brought dozens of pairs of pantyhose, 100ft of rope, zentai suit, latex catsuit and an enema kit – now where are you going to put it all? This must be one of the perennial problems faced by those of us who share our lives with others (girlfriends, boyfriends, flatmates, parents, etc). In my case the best hiding places are in the gap beneath the bottom of a draw or wardrobe, in locked briefcases at the back of wardrobes and, if all else fails, buried under a pile of my ‘normal clothing’.

I live in dread of my partner announcing that she is [i]‘…going to tidy up that mess in the wardrobe…’!


Finding play-time:

OK – you’ve now brought all you gear, stashed it in a safe hiding place under the floorboards and have got a fridge full of ice cubes, but…. Is it only me, but the more I want to have some self-bondage fun – the less opportunities I get to play!

Let’s be honest, none of us want a rushed 30 minute session – always listening for the sound of a returning car or key in the door-lock. We want time to enjoy the helplessness and revel in the pleasures our pastime gives us… and we want at least an hour to clear everything away...and another hour of ‘just in case’ time (the ice took longer to melt, the knots where tighter or the knife harder to reach). Personally I want at least 3-4 hours of quality playtime, but I much prefer a whole day. I’ve been very lucky enough to have a whole 5 days once – Ahh bliss – happy, happy times!Big Grin

How can we make time? Ra and I both look for business trips as an opportunity to have some fun, but not everyone has that chance – so what else is there?

A day off work, if your partner works, is always a good start – you have the house to yourself for a good few hours. Why not treat your loved one to a special day on their own at a spa, to the city, theatre, etc – OK it costs money, but it’s a win – win scenario. They’ll love you all the more for the treat and you’ll get to have some fun too!

(Top tip #3 – be very sure they have got all they need before leaving and don’t suddenly return for forgotten tickets, lipstick or similar).

If all else fails you could simply feign illness when a scheduled trip to their relations is due and then have a miraculous recovery as soon as they leave

(Top tip #4 – don’t overdo this one, for obvious reasons!).

When you have managed to be ‘home alone’ take a few more precautions. Have a phone to hand, not just for emergencies, but to answer calls whilst you can – this can give the impression that (even if you’re dressed for self-bondage and everything but your hands are tightly bound) all is fine and normal. I have once held a 20min phone conversation with my partner, whilst completely encased in pantyhose, legs bound together and enema ready to go – I’m sure she never guessed! Angel

I also double-lock the doors, preventing any ‘sudden’ entry by people with keys to the house. I know there is a risk, if something has gone wrong with your release – but access isn’t impossible, just delayed and possibly long enough to be free!

(Top tip #5 – always have you excuses planned. Here are some examples –
Q) why couldn’t you answer the phone? A) I was on the toilet/shopping/feeding the birds.
Q) Why was the door locked? A) I’d heard there where burglars in the area and wanted your stuff to be safe!
Q) why are there ropes on the floor, pantyhose on the bed and a latex mask in the kitchen A) Errr! )Confused


Afterwards:

The ice has melted; you are free at last – what happens next? Well, there is the obvious, but what after that? Personally, I like to get everything packed away as soon as possible, just in case of an unexpected early return! This does lead to a few problems; you will need to wash your clothes now and again (sweat smells!), even your ropes will benefit from turn in the washing machine. You will need to plan these chores with the same care as any session.

Some of my sessions involve disposable items such as tape, cling-film, etc. These and any ruined pantyhose (it happens!) have to be bagged and buried in the bin, underneath the normal detritus of a household. (Top tip #6 – Don’t use clear plastic bags for this!).

I always double check the house for accidental traces of my activities – you know the signs: water from an ice release, scuff marks where the rope has rubbed on furniture, bits of rope/tape, etc. My nearest miss was leaving the butt-plug on the bedside table – fortunately I spotted it first and managed to distract my partner and hid it under a pillow before she saw it.

There is one more tell-tale sign of successful session – rope/cuff/gag marks on your skin. Maybe it’s only me, but I like my bondage TIGHT and that does leave marks. Worst session (or best!) left me with two deep red lines over both shoulders (cling-film had pulled very tight – but was soooo sexy) and took 3 days to fade away; that needed some very elaborate manoeuvring to hide. I have also bruised myself on more than one occasion – after using some fairly simple, excuses she now thinks I’m the clumsiest DIY man in the UK (if only she knew what I was doing to myself!)


So there you have it – the reasons why I believe that, by it’s self, my self-bondage needs only a tiny part of the effort required to achieve a successful session and maintain the semblance of ‘normality’ to the outside world

I'm of to hide back in the closet

Play safe

MJ
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#2
Very important aspect. Fortunately, my wife knows about me practicing self-bondage, and everybody including the kids knows about pantyhose, swimsuits and latex. So I have no problems here.

However, I still need to hide some stuff and need some time and place to play. And with the years go by, it's getting more and more difficult.

This is just an example of what can be done quickly and with minimum "tools": http://www.likera.com/blog/wp/archives/1801
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#3
Odd, this appeared in bold on the list of forum threads, so I thought, it was new. Well, anyway, it can't hurt to reactivate this old thread, as it deals with what is probably common practise in many homes.

I am living with my mother, who is at an age where she is glad to have someone around - and we have lots of space in our appartment. I also have a separate room in the basement, which isn't connected to the appartment. It used to be my office, when I was self employed, now it is play-room, computer place and eventually still office. This makes things relatively easy, because my mother has no reasons to enter this room, actually, she doesn't have the keys. Of course, I also like some stuff in my bedroom - in the appartment. I keep that in my wardrobe, and I also keep my bedroom a bit messy - not intentionally - and that helps concealing odd items.

But there is something, that I eventually think about: I might suddenly die - accident, sickness, whatever - and my relatives will find all the stuff. This is not a nice thought. I don't really care so much what they might think about me, but I do care how they might feel. So I consider writing a short but clear letter and deposit a copy into each hiding place. I also considered asking a friend to take care of this. Both together might be the best solution after all. Who knows, perhaps my sisters would like some of my skirts, or even the bondage stuff Big Grin

Another worry of mine: I like walks in the dark, in special outfits of course. I could be seen by neighbours without noticing. But I think, this is part of the risk of life and I am not so afraid of discovery, that I could be blackmailed. It is rather, I don't like to be bothered having to talk about my private life.

Well, I'll eventually have some sort of coming out, the first time I will wear my rain skirt officially. I am looking forward to this with mixed feelings, but facts are so clearly in favor of rain skirts over rain pants, that I can explain it to anyone without losing my self respect, probably not even his/her respect - not my family's in any way.
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#4
"Appearing in bold" should be fixed now.

Good point about the fetish stuff. It's always good to have someone around who is aware of the "kinky side" and who can be trusted enough to deal with the naughty stuff and to be the safety person.

But... It's sooo difficult to find such a person. Probably we need a separate thread to discuss that.
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#5
(05 Jan 2011, 04:23 )Like Ra Wrote: "Appearing in bold" should be fixed now.

Good point about the fetish stuff. It's always good to have someone around who is aware of the "kinky side" and who can be trusted enough to deal with the naughty stuff and to be the safety person.

But... It's sooo difficult to find such a person. Probably we need a separate thread to discuss that.

I guess, I am lucky, I have a reliable person, that I could ask. Not the one that knows about my fetish life, because he isn't reliable enough, but another one. Unfortunately, he is 10 years older than me, so perhaps not the perfect choice. Perhaps a notary public is a good choice too. Of course, he wouldn't be there to clean up your mess, only to tell people who you really were...

Let's have another thread about this, if more people show interest.
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