Why do we have fetishes? Kinks? Traits?

Sometimes I wonder if us fetishists are just dopamine addicts....

[Like Ra]

Sometimes I wonder if us fetishists are just dopamine addicts....

My point exactly. The question is - why some things increase the dopamine level, and some do not.

Sometimes I wonder if us fetishists are just dopamine addicts....

My point exactly. The question is - why some things increase the dopamine level, and some do not.

Well, I mean sexually generated dopamine addiction. 
I'm pretty sure my wife's dopamine levels increase to comparable heights from food indulgence - Hence, she doesn't have a fetish connection to her dopamine levels.

I remember watching some of those anti-masturbation videos....and I usually dismiss them pretty easily - but at the same time, sometimes it feels like the fetish aspect is purely just a form of dopamine addiction; which in turn makes it (the fetish) sound a bit shallow and sad. Or am I overthinking matters?

[Like Ra]

I'm pretty sure my wife's dopamine levels increase to comparable heights from food indulgence - Hence, she doesn't have a fetish connection to her dopamine levels.

Following my definition of "fetish", it's called food fetishism.

the fetish aspect is purely just a form of dopamine addiction

Again - yes. And again, the question is: why some kinky things increase the dopamine level, and some do not.

Been a while since anyone posted on this thread lol

Anyway, my personal experiences lead me think that the answer is probably "discovering preprogrammed fetishes", although I wouldn't be surprised if it's possible to acquire complete new fetishes.

Why?

Simple.

I had a hormone imbalance while growing up, a very very early pre-puberty. The doctors apparently told my mom I had started pre-puberty at around 3. What that means is that I got acne and horny a lot earlier than most people, I am convinced my earliest memories of horny occurred when I was around 7 but I might be mistaken. No way to know for sure. Note here that I also received fuck all sex ed. Literally nothing. My personal experience with being horny while also being really young is why I will always advocate for proper sex ed.

I remember humping a little bunny plushy I had. I didn't know what I was doing or what it meant, I just knew it helped me fall asleep and that it felt good. And I also fantasized things to help me along. Again, I didn't know what I was doing or why, I just knew it worked so I did it. I didn't question it.

Just to be clear, I was doing that at around 7-8. I had not been exposed to anything sexual before. I had not seen any porn. I had not seen my parents haven't sex. NOTHING. My family has also always been atheistic. So I also didn't have any negative connotations about masturbation. I was a complete blank slate. I knew nothing about sex and masturbation. I just did what felt good.

And what did my blank slate of a mind come up with as fantasies? BDSM: Bondage. Humiliation, my bullies stripping me naked and making fun of me. Being forced to do things against my will. Being "tortured". I remember I saw in a gameshow people that were punished for losing by being tied to a wheel and rolled around until they were dizzy, or where the wheel was static and there was a pool of water underneath and the wheel was spun until their head was submerged and kept there. I immediately started incorporating things like that in my fantasies.

So yeah. I know for a fact these fetishes existed within me from the very beginning.

Also I saw another post here, this one https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...4#pid68734 where that person described "seeing naked adults having sex. having sex can be disturbing at this age"

Can I just say, that was NOT my experience. I was far from disturbed when I finally discovered porn at around 10-12.

Fetishes can stem from childhood experiences or sometimes childhood trauma. In many cases, trauma can lead to two distinct psychological responses: avoidance and fetishization.

Avoidance is fairly straightforward — when someone experiences something traumatic, they tend to steer clear of anything that reminds them of that pain. It's a protective mechanism, aimed at shielding oneself from further emotional or psychological harm.

Fetishization, on the other hand, is more nuanced and complex. Instead of avoiding the trauma, the brain seeks to recreate aspects of it in a controlled and repetitive manner, often as a means of reprocessing the experience. By reintroducing these elements into their life, a person may unconsciously try to gain mastery over the past, especially over situations in which they felt powerless or lacked control. The traumatic event is essentially transformed into a source of arousal, allowing the individual to revisit it in a way that gives them some sense of agency, albeit in a sexualized context.

This process doesn't necessarily mean that the fetish is an exact recreation of the trauma, but rather that the emotions, dynamics, or power imbalances involved in the original event are symbolically re-enacted in a way that brings relief, comfort, or control over past vulnerability.

For example, one of my slaves exhibits a degradation fetish, specifically desiring humiliation from older, unkind women. I believe this inclination is deeply rooted in his childhood experiences. During his time in boarding school, he was sexually exploited by older female teachers, leading to a complex relationship with authority and submission. This fetish may reflect an attempt to reclaim agency over a traumatic past, allowing him to navigate feelings of humiliation and powerlessness in a controlled and consensual setting. Through this lens, we can see how trauma can intricately twist the development of sexual desires, shaping them in profound and often unexpected ways.

Consider one submissive from Switzerland, raised in a noisy, chaotic household filled with constant distractions and emotional strain. The relentless overstimulation of his youth left him yearning for peace and quiet. In BDSM, sensory deprivation became his refuge. By being blindfolded or restrained, he could block out external chaos and focus solely on the present moment's sensations, finding a tranquility that eluded him as a child. This consensual, controlled surrender allows him to process past overwhelm, heal, and reclaim a sense of inner calm.

Shanghai Dominatrix Alessandra

Interesting thread so far...

I don't have any ground breaking hypothesis to share, so I'll just recount my personal experiences. Having spent a lot of time contemplating my fetishes, I tend to lean toward the idea that they get formed rather than pre-programmed. The fetishization theory from shanghaidominatrix does make me think of Stockholm syndrome, so I do think there are some significant or traumatic events that our brains could react to in such a way instead of being put off.

Anyway, my own fetishes mostly started as bondage, crossdressing, leather, latex and a little bit of exhibitionism. Some of my early memories at around 8 years old were of sneaking on my cousin's underwear or swimsuits under my clothes, and then playing an obstacle course/balancing game in the back yard where I had to expose the female clothing every time I failed. I was a nerdy kid and got exposed to sexual stimuli later than most, but the clothing and game "excited" me and made me feel good even if I wasn't making the sexual connotation yet.

Later in life, around 11 years old, I had a small group of friends who liked to play a sort of BDSM tag where you tied the person who got caught first to a tree or pole with rope. Again some of us weren't really sexually aware yet, but the game grew into pulling down the tied up person's pants etc. since it was "funny".

I also resonate with the idea some people mentioned early on about fashion in the 80s shaping some of their fetishes. Growing up in the 90s and 00s there was a lot of PVC and leather especially on younger female pop icons that my pre-teen self had crushes on.


There were other things, but I think those ones had the most prominent role in forming my fetishes. I went through high school as a fairly vanilla kid, and explored bondage fairly mildly in varsity. My wife, then girlfriend, jokingly made me wear a pair of her lingerie bottoms secretly after sex while we were visiting my parents one weekend. That opened the floodgates for all of the "exciting" experiences I had as a kid, and finally joined the dots of it being sexual in my brain.

Now I'm listening to sissy hypno, sitting here in my pink frilly lingerie under tight faux leather pants with a collar on writing this post.
How interesting life is...