Are you married? Do you live alone?

[Zooy]

What fish you catch depends very much on in which pond you fish.
You are right if you look in a traditional conservative environment. In a liberal and open society chances are much better. Among young people in Amsterdam you might have a better than 50-50 chance.

[Like Ra]

You think young people in NL are interested in fetish? Probably more tolerant? Yes.

[Zooy]

You think young people in NL are interested in fetish? Probably more tolerant? Yes.

i would say more tolerant.

[ebear_ca]

I'm technically married you might say; been with the same lady for over 25 years under the same roof, but we never married.  I'm now 74 (2020) and knew when I was 18 I didn't want children and that has never changed.  I met my lady on a kink hot line so she knows most of my interests, and at first participated.  Then her health started to fail and our mutual activity started to wane until now there is no activity at all and she is practically bed ridden!  Due to her health we have separate bedrooms and I do play alone on occasion but the desire has never left and is much a part of my life as it ever was.  She doesn't want to know what I'm up to and really wishes I would give it up, but I never will!  I have actually expanded my areas of interest and will continue to expand them, in whatever direction they may take me.  I will not cheat on my lady while she lives and that is a hard an fast rule that I will keep! Thanks to Like Ra for finally getting my log in problems solved!

[MIWSTIUS]

Married, happily living together and open about the fetishes from the getgo.

NEVER keep secrets imo. If it doesn't work out because of the fetish, I'd say she isn't THE one for you.
In way, keeping the secret is lying to yourself as well imo.
Always reminds me of that Dutch Men in onepiece swimsuit forum where plenty of remorse goes around,
guys crying about breakups after they let the swimsuit fetish secret fester for years.

[TamedOz]

Married, happily living together and open about the fetishes from the getgo.

NEVER keep secrets imo. If it doesn't work out because of the fetish, I'd say she isn't THE one for you.
In way, keeping the secret is lying to yourself as well imo.
Always reminds me of that Dutch Men in onepiece swimsuit forum where plenty of remorse goes around,
guys crying about breakups after they let the swimsuit fetish secret fester for years.

This is good advice for new couples. My situation feels a little more complicated...
I've been married for ~14 years. We met as high school sweat hearts and practically grew up together, changing and going through different stages of life together.
We now have kids together and I believe we are soulmates.

However obviously people grow and change, and fetishes that I didn't understand or know were there, have manifested throughout the years.
We were both very conservatively raised, and she's always been a little more shy and vanilla than me when it came to sex.

The two main fetishes that I have developed/discovered which she has a hard time dealing with or just isn't into at all are bondage and crossdressing.
I understand why she doesn't like the crossdressing, and am still figuring out how I feel about it myself. The bondage fetish is a little more confusing, because when we were both in our wild University phase she was really into it.


TLDR, I think it's good to be open about things but not everyone's situation is the same.

[Like Ra]

she's always been a little more shy and vanilla than me

The bondage fetish is a little more confusing, because when we were both in our wild University phase she was really into it.

Errrm... That should be a good start ... I think ...

[MIWSTIUS]

Married, happily living together and open about the fetishes from the getgo.

NEVER keep secrets imo. If it doesn't work out because of the fetish, I'd say she isn't THE one for you.
In way, keeping the secret is lying to yourself as well imo.
Always reminds me of that Dutch Men in onepiece swimsuit forum where plenty of remorse goes around,
guys crying about breakups after they let the swimsuit fetish secret fester for years.

This is good advice for new couples. My situation feels a little more complicated...
I've been married for ~14 years. We met as high school sweat hearts and practically grew up together, changing and going through different stages of life together.
We now have kids together and I believe we are soulmates.

However obviously people grow and change, and fetishes that I didn't understand or know were there, have manifested throughout the years.
We were both very conservatively raised, and she's always been a little more shy and vanilla than me when it came to sex.

The two main fetishes that I have developed/discovered which she has a hard time dealing with or just isn't into at all are bondage and crossdressing.
I understand why she doesn't like the crossdressing, and am still figuring out how I feel about it myself. The bondage fetish is a little more confusing, because when we were both in our wild University phase she was really into it.


TLDR, I think it's good to be open about things but not everyone's situation is the same.

Very true indeed.
I suppose my advice just covers the scenarios that involve the "classical fetish", ergo; which are the fetishes that stem from early childhood sexual formative years - and which have had the opportunities to grow and develop way before teenage years. Because those tend to be the fetishes that remain very consistent and they are basically chronic.
Any fetishes developed after those years, I would consider them either "offshoots" or kust interests. In my humble opinion, those aren't as deeply rooted or consistent, but ueah, I can imagine even those will be a challenge in a relationship within a conservative environment.

[TamedOz]

I think mine were just late bloomers to be honest.

I've been forced to confront and think about my fetishes lately after having a heavy sissy hypno relapse and exposing a lot of this to my wife (I made another post Today about how that all went).
As a kid I have vivid memories of stealing my female cousin's underwear and wearing them secretly, so I definitely think the crossdressing fetish stems from a childhood formative experience.

As a pre-teen myself and a group of friends (boys and girls) also played this weird game where we would catch and tie each other up, which took a perverted twist when we started to pull each other's pants down while tied up.
We did this on and off for about a year, and I still think some of my bondage and humiliation kinks come from that.

Anyway... the human mind is strange.