Are you married? Do you live alone?

[Like Ra]

First of all - calm down. People and animals around do feel our emotions and agitation and act accordingly, and not what we would expect from them. We might get excited, emotional, agitated, aroused, angry over the things that affect us the most, or what we feel uncomfortable about, or we feel guilty or ashamed for, etc. See the pattern? When we "accept" something, when it feels "normal" to us, we "radiate" confidence, tranquillity, rightness. And the outer world is mirroring us. (Actually, the outer world IS us, but let's not get into that for the time being). We attract what we radiate. We sound according to our resonances. Change the internal resonances, and the world around will change.

When you talk about something calmly, as if it's normal, people tend to "entrain", and accept what you are saying as normal. If you are a normal, intelligible, reliable, positive, etc person, then, most likely, everything what you are saying or doing should be fine, right? (Of course, not always, but let's generalize a bit).

Our fetishes are not given to us "just to have fun" or cause inconvenience. If you deny them, purge, try to forget, shove them under the bed, they will return with revenge. You have to accept them, just like you have to accept yourself and the outer world. Fetishes (and other traits) are given to us as a task we have to solve. If our traits are accepted, understood, divested, they might go away if they are not needed anymore, and their role in your development has been fulfilled. Or they might stay to propel you further, because they might be your goal, way of life, or the way to your realization. The only way to change the "outside world" is to accept yourself, accept the world, then "tweak" yourself internally.

You said "love". In "philosophy", "love" is an "unconditional acceptance". "Such things happen", "He/she is just such a person", "this is who she/he is", "OK, this is what's the world like, let's see how it works 😉"

In NLP, "a love" is a set of verbs, describing what you do, that the other person will understand that "you love him or her", and the other way around - what the other person should do, that you understand that she/he loves you. See? No clichés and undefined words (like "love", "friend", "enemy", "hope", etc) anymore. You both can sit down with pieces of paper and pens, and each of you can create a list of things/actions that other person "should do" to let you know that she/he "loves you", and what YOU do to show YOUR love. Then compare the lists together. You might be very surprised.

Everything, what is happening to us, has its reason, goal and is supposed to help us. The more we ignore something (e.g. we miss the early "road signs"), the more painful "the event". It will become more noticeable, until we stop ignoring it. Think "What is the purpose of it?", "What should I work on?", "How is it going to help me?", instead of "why did it happen to me?" "Okay, this is who I am, this is what I'm like, this is what's happening - let's see why it was given to me, what I can do with these tools".

Being your own observer might bring you some surprises. I mean watching yourself as if from a distance, as if you are a "3d party" independent uninvolved person might.

Oh, and everything I'm talking about is my own experience, perceived and expressed through my own "filters". Your "reality" might be way too far from mine, and what I'm saying might not be resonating within you. In this case, just ignore what I said for the time being, switch off your logical thinking and follow your intuition, follow your body. Most likely you aeady have the solution, just stop thinking about it.

[Like Ra]

A bit too long, but that's my brain dump. Something what is "whirlpooling" in my head. Not fully organized. Something what I've been trying to post about but never knew how to start and how to proceed. Somethng about fetishes, about our tasks, about resonances, about what my world looks like 😊 I would like to help, but nobody could give you a recipe or the exact plan what and how to do - this is your own task you have to complete, otherwise it will repeat and it will be worse.

[Like Ra]

Oh, I have to say that: yoga, meditations, qigong usually help a lot. 3 times a day. Every day.

Take a 10 day vipassana. In a group. Both of you. You might discover something unexpectable.

[essanym]

@Like Ra Thank you for expressing, in words, the thoughts that I wanted/tried to type out as a response.  Everything you said echoes my own thoughts, and your experiences certainly mirror my own, therefore I'd say the filters through which I view reality are very much like your own in that regard.  I suspect you and I could have quite a conversation about ideas unrelated to kink if we chose to.

@"The Inspector", All of what I just said is just a long way of saying that I agree with LikeRa on every point that he made.  He was also able to more clearly state some points I intended to make when you and I chatted some weeks ago.  Without getting to deep into oneness and the nature of existence, I firmly believe that as long as we stay on a path of service-to-others instead of service-to-self and we continuously strive to improve ourselves, we will end up where we are supposed to in life and that path may or may not be a difficult (painful) one.  One could make the argument that the nature of our fetishes is a selfish one and should be avoided as such, but I tend see them as (I think) Ra does, as a test of sorts that lead us down a path of self-realization which ultimately guides us to being better people which helps other aspects of life. 
For example, as a teenager I discover that I have strange fetishes and worry about what that means about me and that makes me defensive around others which leads to projection.  Later I learn to accept my strange fetishes, which helps me to gain love and understanding towards other people having their own strange and wonderful life experience.  If I never learn to accept my own weirdness, how can I possibly accept other's... and if I can't accept others, how can I live a life of love instead of selfishness?  Learning to love seems to be a universal life lesson from what I've experienced (through my own filters) and it's one of the most difficult lessons we have in this school called earth.

Apologies to Ra if I twisted anything you said out of context or original meaning but hopefully my words resonated as well with your thoughts as yours did with mine.  Certainly that was my intention.

[Like Ra]

hopefully my words resonated as well with your thoughts as yours did with mine

Absolutely!

It's very difficult to explain 5d images with 2d words, but this is what we are doing here - we talk projections. Some things might sound strange, weird, unrelated, controversial, but this is just an awkward way to express ourselves using some kind of a code, which gets interpreted differently by different persons 😁

One interesting challenge.

Think of everything you encounter as yourself. Your spouse, girlfriend, toothbrush, sandwich, mosquito, transport, people around, your mother, cat, shampoo, doors, tea, keyboard... Everything is you! For how long can you do it without getting distracted? What have you noticed?

[Like Ra]

Oh, do you mind if I move the last posts to this thread: https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/showthread.php?tid=21 I think it's more appropriate. What do you think?

[essanym]

Oh, do you mind if I move the last posts to this thread: https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/showthread.php?tid=21 I think it's more appropriate. What do you think?

Fine with me if I was the one you are asking.

[bondagetom1]

hopefully my words resonated as well with your thoughts as yours did with mine

Absolutely! 

It's very difficult to explain 5d images with 2d words, but this is what we are doing here - we talk projections. Some things might sound strange, weird, unrelated, controversial, but this is just an awkward way to express ourselves using some kind of a code, which gets interpreted differently by different persons 😁

One interesting challenge.

Think of everything you encounter as yourself. Your spouse, girlfriend, toothbrush, sandwich, mosquito, transport, people around, your mother, cat, shampoo, doors, tea, keyboard... Everything is you! For how long can you do it without getting distracted? What have you noticed?

What an amazingly beautiful and spiritual based conversation. I don’t think I’ve read anything this deep and meaningful in quite a while and to read it in the context of sharing our fetishes... wow, just wow. I’m so sorry to hear how badly your sharing turned out, but I do send my best energy for a peaceful resolution, whatever that may end up looking like. 

“Think of everything you encounter as yourself...” I’m trying that right now Ra. Thank you.

[marioshroomed]

Single, kind of lonely, have wanted to meet a female who likes wearing latex among other things.

[LeotardLover]

I'm sorry if this might sound callous but it's a legitimate question I have.  Doesn't anyone think that if they are in a relationship and they have to keep secrets, that maybe they are with the wrong person?

Absolutely, but finding a woman who shares interest in your fetishes is likely very hard to find and if you can't find that someone, do you give up on love? 

Telling a girlfriend or wife about a fetish, like wearing leotards or pantyhose is tough business. These issues only pertain to guys, not women. If you didn’t have a lycra fetish and your wife or girlfriend said she did, every guy on the planet would have a full salute erection. 

My first girlfriend in college came home with me one weekend and while I was off doing something, my mom whipped out a picture album with some of my leotard modelling pictures. My mom is free-spirited like and thinks my modelling was really cool and everyone else would too. My gf was mortified and when we got back to school she broke up with me. I remember her saying something like, guys should never wear a women’s leotard, let alone a high cut leg one with tights or swimsuit. She said it in a way like she was grossed out. Luckily she never told anyone but I was so hurt by the breakup and tried to talk to her several times. She thought I was either gay and hadn’t come out or wanted to be a woman. 

My next girlfriend and I were brainstorming Halloween costumes and I suggested we go as opposites, me as a woman and her as a guy and then said I should dress as a big haired aerobics instructor in neon tights and leotard, waited for her reaction and then chickened out and said, just joking. She surprised me saying something like, no you should, that would be epic. I ended up wearing a nude lycra unitard, fishnets, a pink thong 3/4 sleeve leotard, pink hoop earrings, a big frizzy haired wig, pink leg warmers and pink aerobic high-top sneakers. Afterwards we came back to my dorm and started making out, I thought she maybe into it but then she stopped and said something like, enough with the leotard, take it off. 

It took a long time, with what I thought was impossible odds to find a girlfriend who shares my same fetishes and actually prefers I wear leotards and tights everyday. We have kind of a unorthodox relationship if that’s the right label. When we moved to DC for her job, she didn’t want me to get a job, instead we have kind of reversed roles, which in todays culture is becoming more mainstream but she’s the executive bread winner and I’m basically the homemaker. It’s great because I get to focus on the things I love doing like finding new recipes and cooking, working out and cycling, doing various other sports and activities. It just really works for us. 

But my point is that, I had to go through a lot of awkward situations and girlfriends that either were grossed out or weirded out by me wearing or modelling leotards. After I graduated college and moved to New York to model full time, all I knew or had time to socialize with were people in that industry. I got to know one girl who was a fitness model and another who was a fashion model, I had crushes on both but because I was a guy who modelled women’s leotards, bodysuits, pantyhose and swimsuits for women’s clothing designers, magazines and advertisements for women, I was thought to be by default gay and despite whatever I said, I was treated like one of the girls. 

If my girlfriend and I ever broke up, I don’t think I would find another one who is into the same things or okay with me being into it. Women who are okay with lycra fetish men are very very rare needles in a hay stack.