Are you married? Do you live alone?

[Like Ra]

We have a related thread somewhere....

This is the one: https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/showthread.php?tid=21

[Tinker D]

Same thing happen to me in 1999. Lost a girl friend by telling her the truth.
Sometimes, not always, it’s best to keep secrets.

[boundsolo]

That is how it is in my house too. The wife does not understand the attraction to my kinks. We have talked about it but she just thinks I'm weird and pushes the subject away. I just steal my little bit of time alone and hide the rest of my gear. Our 25th anniversary is this month. I have tried many times over the years to let her experiment. She just does not get it.

Sorry @The Inspector that you got that response.

[The inspector]

It’s a catch 22. It’s a major part of me. Yet it’s difficult to have to suppress that. But is it worth throwing everything away for one part?

[Like Ra]

You can keep both parts - slightly separated 😉

[The inspector]

You can keep both parts - slightly separated 😉

It’s more a matter of whether she can. I have done for long enough. But now she knows is it going to effect her perception of me. maybe I’m worrying a little too much. I just feel almost alien to her at the moment.

[essanym]

I'm sorry if this might sound callous but it's a legitimate question I have.  Doesn't anyone think that if they are in a relationship and they have to keep secrets, that maybe they are with the wrong person?

My kinks are a foundation to my personality and so I can imagine that for many of you it's the same, which is why I can't imagine beginning a relationship and not having a discussion about this from the start.

[Tinker D]

Here is another way I can enjoy my kink, and it is doctor approve. When one of my friends asked me why do you like to wear skirts?, I tell her it’s because in the summer, I get this heat rash really bad. The only thing the doctor could do was to put this goo all over to treat the rash. Any way to keep it from coming back?
Doc says “ yes, wear a skirt. That will keep you cool and prevent the rash.
Pantyhose? Blood ciruation of the legs and feet. Do you know much medical hoes cost???? I can get hundreds of pantyhose’s for the cost of one medical pantyhose.

[bondagetom1]

You can keep both parts - slightly separated 😉

It’s more a matter of whether she can. I have done for long enough. But now she knows is it going to effect her perception of me. maybe I’m worrying a little too much. I just feel almost alien to her at the moment.

Give her time. I went though this as well a few years ago and my wife still calls me "weird" occasionally. I am "weird" but I'm also loving, responsible, and care deeply about her. I also still worry that I'll ruin the great relationship we have with my kinks if she finds out that I still "indulge" from time to time, but it's hard enough to be in a long term relationship without thinking that I have to be compatible with her in every way. We've been together 28 years so I do speak from experience, her strong feelings about you at the moment will almost certainly pass. Best wishes for a soft landing on this one.

[The inspector]

Hi everyone,

Apologies if this comes out garbled. The last few weeks have been a bit of a mess for me, and it has taken me a while to write this and even begin to come to terms with what has happened.

So.. here goes.

As said earlier in this thread, I took a plunge and told my wife about my kinks/fetishes. She didn’t take it very well and was annoyed that I hadn’t told her before. About a week following the initial shock, she sat down and asked me more about it. How I got into it. Why these things turned me on. She seemed to be listening intently. Still saying she didn’t understand or know what to ask. She asked if we could look at some “mild” stuff together so she could maybe understand a little bit more. I thought this was a good idea and that maybe this was a step in the right direction, even if she would never fully understand, at least she had tried. 

A couple of days later we sat down for tea. And she pulled out her phone and showed me the thread that had my last session on this forum. She literally screamed at me and said why do I have such freakish behaviour. She asked what other dark secrets I had. Asked if I had a criminal record as weird people normally get caught. After a good 20 minute onslaught she said she was moving out for a week or so and didn’t want to talk to me. It’s not a divorce, but she wants out from me for a while to “consider her options”

To make matters worse. She has told some of my close friends and sent the screenshots asking them to speak to me. I feel violated, and not in a good way. 

I am literally stunned and don’t know what to do. I haven’t gone into work for the last few days as my head just isn’t there. I had a moment of rage and threw a load of my gear/cuffs/outfits out in hopes of becoming normal and fitting with normality only to literally break down and feel even worse. I’m beating myself up, yet know deep down I’m not at fault. 

My fear is losing my wife as I do love her, despite her outburst. Yet I need my fetishes. What the hell fo I do.