Purge syndrome or Periods or cycles of lost&found "interest"

[Hazel]

I will be . . . tossing out my female clothes/accessories.

An advice from my wife: do not through anything away, just pack  it and put it somewhere in the farthest end of your house, just like "burying".

Various reasons.

Idk, its one of my triggers though...

Can you maybe give me some of those reasons?

And by trigger I mean that, it gives my female self an excuse/opportunity to relapse...into the whole spiral/preoccupation of am I trans if I am still holding onto this treasured element of my femininity?

[Hazel]

Also some topics on this forum might trigger me back, including the use of this profile as I still have a strong emotional attachment to this female identity in my mind.

. . .

if I fully recover at some point in the future, or if something changes again, i will come back and write about it.

Yep, you've read my mind. I was just about to say that, but then decided to wait until you get through the first phase 😊

There is a much higher level: when you teach your mind and your body, that you can easily live without the object of your former addiction, you can enjoy it from time to time without getting addicted, so that object has lost its control forever. (I'm still learning to look at high-end audio equipment calmly - I haven't listened to music through my system for 5 years aeady...)

Yeah I don't think it will be possible with this genre, at least for me. Bummer, cuz I really really like Kei's work...its going to be very difficult to delete that collection...its like i am deleting a part of myself

[Like Ra]

Bummer, cuz I really really like Kei's work...its going to be very difficult to delete that collection...its like i am deleting a part of myself

You've just named one of the reasons 😊 Purging is associated with a loss, pity, sorrow, grief, sadness, sorry for yourself, sorry for the wasted money, guilt, and this is a not good beginning. There should be only positive thoughts.

Even selling stuff (e.g. off eBay) is much better than throwing away.

[Hazel]

Bummer, cuz I really really like Kei's work...its going to be very difficult to delete that collection...its like i am deleting a part of myself

You've just named one of the reasons 😊 Purging is associated with a loss, pity, sorrow, grief, sadness, sorry for yourself, sorry for the wasted money, guilt, and this is a not good beginning. There should be only positive thoughts.

Even selling stuff (e.g. off eBay) is much better than throwing away.

Well i don't care about the money, nor do I have feelings of guilt. It's just that both the files and clothing have been a very personal part of who I am for a long time. i thought I was trans...

[Like Ra]

Bummer, cuz I really really like Kei's work...its going to be very difficult to delete that collection...its like i am deleting a part of myself

You've just named one of the reasons 😊 Purging is associated with a loss, pity, sorrow, grief, sadness, sorry for yourself, sorry for the wasted money, guilt, and this is a not good beginning. There should be only positive thoughts.

Even selling stuff (e.g. off eBay) is much better than throwing away.

Well i don't care about the money, nor do I have feelings of guilt. It's just that both the files and clothing have been a very personal part of who I am for a long time.

Consciously you may not think of money or guilt. But subconsciously purging leaves a "scar", IMHO.

Think of these two situations:

You like X (X gives you pleasure)

1. You get rid of X, you throw X away or destroy it, so you can't use X to please you
2. You move X out of your sight, store it somewhere, where you can get it at any time, but you do not use X to please you.

And answer these questions:

- In those two situations, after the action is performed, who/what causes you not to please yourself with X (Who is the boss)?
- In which situation the internal tension and desire to relapse will be higher?
- If you relapse, in which case the associating emotions, guilt etc, will be higher?

[nystul]

I purged, like four times counting the one this month...

[redara]

I purged, like four times counting the one this month...

Yeah I purged not too long ago and im aeady back  😟 feel like such a dummy. This has been going for the last 8 years orso...

[fuckpig]

I have purged many times before, now I see a pattern, there are stages before purges.
Stage 1: Browse everything incognito. Nothing saved on device, no accounts, nothing left when browser closes.
Stage 2: Download media on device for offline consumption, partly due to fears that it may get deleted from the sites. This is when I get attached to it.
Stage 3: Create accounts on websites, interact with other people around my fetishes. This is where it achieves escape velocity and becomes primary thought 24*7.
Stage 4: Check these accounts first thing when I wake up and then every few minutes for updates and replies. Make friends around my fetish and give it a social dimension.
Stage 5: Spend money for it, give my personal details to strangers online. This is where I start getting scared that I may share my photos, videos, location and expose myself. This is where the purge begins. Accounts deleted and files removed to break the momentum. A few days break and then back to stage 1.

I have never purchased physical goods around my fetish, I believe those purges would be much more expensive and significant in terms of attachment.

[Zooy]

I have never purchased physical goods around my fetish, I believe those purges would be much more expensive and significant in terms of attachment.

If you go through this site, you'll find that many people here have experience with purging their physical goods. And the futility of it.
And then later, when you have started again, you will miss your prize items.

Cleaning out the closet is another thing. There are many things that look great in the advertisements and turn out to be rather disappointing once you try them. Getting rid of those I would not call purging.

Personally I have purged physical items a few times in the past until I learned that you better store things away. I have not so much experience with your internet cycles. I am only involved with very few sites. Hence there is not much new stuff each day. And only one where I post occasionally (here). In my mind these internet sites provide a form of (day)dreaming and this type of dreaming can be very bad for your productivity. This is different from for instance a selfbondage session in which you do something and afterwards you are 'free' for a reasonable period. It can actually make you work better because you released a lot of tension.

Of course the above is all my personal vision. Other people will undoubtedly have a different view of things.

[fuckpig]

This is different from for instance a selfbondage session in which you do something and afterwards you are 'free' for a reasonable period. It can actually make you work better because you released a lot of tension.
Of course the above is all my personal vision. Other people will undoubtedly have a different view of things.

Completely agree with you, everyone will have a different view of things. 

Maybe my biggest fear is "getting caught/exposed" therefore I purge right around/before the point where getting exposed becomes a real possibility. 


With self bondage, you can use physical objects safely in your personal space without harm so what you suggest makes much more sense.