Visiting a professional Dominatrix

[catransvestic]

I'm a fan of Self Bondage, but nothing turns me on more than actually fantasizing about turning over control to another. Since we all know there are thousands of professional dominatrix's out there, (some good, some bad) I was wondering if starting a thread about discussing sessions would be of interest to anyone else. I for one have visited a few, and wouldn't mind sharing my experiences as long as others would be interested in either listening or sharing their experiences.

I will start out by saying that I'm not into S&M, although suffering a little pain/discomfort doesn't bother me, I'm also not into the whole submission/worship/role playing side of it. I'm more into the fetish aspects (which should be obvious since I love this website).

I'll also add that I'm not an expert, my experience is limited to the 6 different doms I've visited, all but one I've visited only once. I'm also talking about a period of time spanning nearly 15 years.

Just curious about what others have to say.

Ca

p.s. I have pics too.. 😉

[systemisdownz10]

I will start out by saying that I'm not into S&M, although suffering a little pain/discomfort doesn't bother me, I'm also not into the whole submission/worship/role playing side of it. I'm more into the fetish aspects (which should be obvious since I love this website).

I'm in that same boat, except just starting out. I'm just now starting to open up about the whole bondage thing, and have been trying to find a way to experience it for real, but I don't know anyone. It's very frustrating. I wouldn't mind hearing more.

[Like Ra]

There was a related thread somewhere.... aha, found:

I received a tempting offer from a Mistress to be a pantyhose slave... your thoughts?

We can combine these threads together. What do you think? Or leave the old one as a separate related story.

[debbiedom]

The issue with a Dom is that it is like a game , a scripted senario which if played out properly will satisfy the submissive. If you are ever lucky enough to find a real Dominant Woman you will find it so different - gone is the discussion before anything happens and you are in their hands - totally - they will explore your interests and exceed any limits you thought you had.

[Strappado]

I have been thinking about trying this for years, with no result. There is a small concern about safety, but that is not the point. Debbiedom's post is both, positive and negative. Being in the right hands must be great, but how are the odds to find one? I suppose, I need to try, if I really want to find out.

I would appreciate any information about reality of this business, rules, payment, safety, and also, how you agreed on doing (or suffering) what. In my whole life, I have never had any private services, so I am completely ignorant.

[vanessa_fetish]

If you are ever lucky enough to find a real Dominant Woman you will find it so different - gone is the discussion before anything happens and you are in their hands - totally - they will explore your interests and exceed any limits you thought you had.

Not really. Those who are actually in the lifestyle will discuss. They will also not break or push a hard limit. Any that does goes from dominant to abuser.

When I dominate, it is not just for my pleasure/desires, but that of the person I am dominating. Those I know in the lifestyle are for the most part the same way (and being a board member of an organization for educating and advocating for the lifestyle I know most in my region and many outside it).

If I submit to someone, I will not submit to anyone who does not discuss mutual needs/desires etc. And if anyone touches a hard limit? I'll never submit to them ever again.

Pushing agreed upon limits is one thing, breaking a hard limit is another.

---

For pros - generally go for the ones between 30-50 years of age. The 20-somethings are usually just those who are in it only for the money (though I do know a few who do know their stuff, but most do not). I know a lot of pros, and most of the older ones are in the lifestyle.

Forget the words "true dom/me" or "true sub" etc. One persons "true" is anothers "false" 😉 Whenever I hear someone say "I am a true dominant" I cringe 😋

Finding a female dominant in the actual lifestyle can be very hard. Why? Because for every female dominant, there are tons of subs. The reality is most do not want a "stable", they want one, maybe two max. They get tons of messages daily (believe me, even as TS, if I changed from switch on FetLife to "Mistress" I'd have at minimum 20 messages that day alone... I tried it and yes... that day I got around that). Lots of patience is needed, and being honest right up front about what you seek, limits, etc on your profile. When going to a munch, event, etc, be respectful but do not just drop to your knees and say "may I serve you Mistress"... just introduce yourself and be polite, and go from there.

[Like Ra]

if I changed from switch on FetLife to "Mistress" I'd have at minimum 20 messages that day alone.

Indeed, why do we have so many "mostly subs" and so few "mostly doms"? Does it say anything about the current psychological climate? Or is it like "most people are heteros"? Or is it because "leaders" are rare and we do not need many? E.g. one manager can have many people reporting to him, not the other way around?

[vanessa_fetish]

Indeed, why do we have so many "mostly subs" and so few "mostly doms"? Does it say anything about the current psychological climate? Or is it like "most people are heteros"? Or is it because "leaders" are rare and we do not need many? E.g. one manager can have many people reporting to him, not the other way around?

I think it could, but I think it's pretty much always been that way - more subs than available dominants, particularly female dominants (and even fewer trans* dominants).

I know some who because of their day to day life, need to submit for their own reasons, like because they are in a higher position. I know some who dominate because of the same, but reversed - they are in a lower position. Kind of a "letting off of steam" for both I suppose.

BUT... not all who have a higher position are sub and those with lower dominate 😋 I don't know the numbers, but would be interested in finding out the ratios.