My Trance Diary

And many subjects received answers they considered enlightening. As you have guessed, "the guru" was a random answer generator.

This reminds me of what my recent meditations have been like.

Years of hypno I think, have made me quite sensitive to random noises, such as random nail pops, or insects flying into the window.

What I've noticed is that I will have a thought that perfectly aligns with the 'tone' of the noise, and somehow its the "correct / most helpful" answer to your question.

It's as if that during meditation when you are contemplating a question with all of its potential solutions, a random noise will steal brainpower for threat assessment. The first thoughts dropped will naturally be the thoughts your SCM has already discarded. A sufficient noise will leave only one option left behind.


Additionally there are times where a new thought comes from nowhere, and then I hear the noise (how do the emotional tones match). As if the noise from the future yet to come is offering me insight.
Scientifically speaking, I believe that this time discrepency is simply the neural delay it takes for the signal to reach the cortex, but the speed of your thinking would be instant. As if your SCM hears the noise first, then scrambles to give you a thought that matches the tone.

Ah, if only it were this easy.

Attached is a 'conversation' I had with google ai regarding the chart I've been building from my recent thoughts during meditation / trance.

The AI falls into the trap of reaffirming too much, but it at least clarifies my thought process to those who might be interested.

Gender	Element	Chakra Name	Chakra Location?	Meditation Mantra	(The Bridge?)*	Deadly Sin	10 Commandments	Church
Both / None	Thought	Crown Chakra	Corpus Callosum?	I KNOW	Submission	Sloth	Keep Sabbath Holy	Ephesus
Feminine (Neg)	Light / Attention	Third Eye Chakra	Pineal Gland?	I SEE	Wisdom	Pride	Honor Father / Mother	Philadelphia
Masculine (Pos)	Sound / Speach	Throat Chakra	Brain Stem	I SPEAK	Truth	Wrath	Not Take Name In Vain	Pergamum
Opposite Sex	Void / Ether?	High Heart Chakra	Heart	I AM THE ALL THAT IS	(You)		No Bearing False Witness
Your Sex	Air	Heart Chakra	Solar Plexus	I LOVE	Generosity	Greed	No Stealing	Laodicea
Masculine (Neg)	Earth	Solar Plexus Chakra	Stomach Plexus	I WILL	Gather Strength	Gluttony	No Murdering	Thyatira
Feminine (Pos)	Fire	Sacral	Gonad Plexus	I FEEL	Growth	Lust	No Cheating	Sardis
Both / Hermaphrodic	Water	Root	Tailbone	I AM	Secure	Envy	No Coveting	Smyrna

Happy U.S. Thanksgiving everyone.

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On the more kinky side, I had what I can consider my first wet HFO last night.

Last night I was meditating on what it would take for me to stop having to use cannabis in order to enter deeper trances (deep enough to actually enter the mindset to have an HFO). Essentially I arrived to the conclusion that my SCM would need to force an HFO on me without me actually prompting it, but it would need to be hard, fast and sober; otherwise, it would feel no different than just masturbating mentally (which would trigger all of the same feelings of shame that normal masturbation would bring). At first I had demanded it, but then felt immediately regret and modified it to a request. I felt myself nod my head yes (partial takeover control from SCM [maybe]). Then I went to sleep for the night. I woke up mid sleep letting out a rather girly moan, audibly, with a rather disappointingly quick feeling of pleasure, while bucking my hips back. A little bit later I discovered just how sticky things felt, and washed up.

Earlier, before the demand / request, I have been exploring how to use the feeling of your heartbeat to derive pleasure. The idea is this:

• 1. Enter a relaxed state to the point where you can feel and hear the beat of your own heart well enough to take a pulse count.
  
• 2. see if you can feel your heartbeat when focusing on different parts of your body, such as hands and feet. The feeling itself should seem to come from the nerve endings at that location
  
•     2a. One starting point for training this might be to press your fingers on opposite hands together hard enough to feel your pulse, with the goal of eventually just being able to feel it lying still
  
• 3. Once you can do hands and feet, try the more 'fun' areas. Nipples, genitals, anus... prostate.
  
• 4. If you can feel it directly through the prostate itself, then you have your own built in vibrator plug.
  
•     4a. Another external tool I want to get rid of.
  

 
 
Overall, the above idea came from a rather high thought I had while under a heavy dose. I was deep enough, and in enough solitude, that the only things that existed in those moments were : The clicks of the hot water radiator my house uses to keep me warm, my thoughts, my breath, and the constant clockwork beating of my heart.

Lately my trances have spiraled into whirlpools of negative emotions, and that last thought had brought me out. That no matter what happens in my life, no matter how sad or depressed I get, the beat of my heart remains strong, and it hasn't given up on me. So for this thanksgiving I am expressing my gratitude for my oldest and truest friend.

[Like Ra]

. I felt myself nod my head yes (partial takeover control from SCM [maybe]).

Very familiar, this is my understanding how it works.

That no matter what happens in my life, no matter how sad or depressed I get, the beat of my heart remains strong, and it hasn't given up on me. So for this thanksgiving I am expressing my gratitude for my oldest and truest friend.

Amen! 🙏 😇

Very familiar, this is my understanding how it works.

Glad there is some precedence, I've been wondering if it's just been me 'faking' it. (sometimes it feels like I force the answer I want to hear, which usually sends me into an apology spiral)

I have been 'communicating' by using yes or no questions and watching muscle twitches. Two quick twitches of my left bicep have been a 'Yes', single twitch can be a 'no / maybe / make note of'. Rotation of my right wrist has been a 'hard no'. There are of course lots of false positives (but those usually lack the emotional tone the others can carry)

There have also been some moments where I have been resting my arm on top of my chest, after a while it almost feels like its both not mine and mine simultaneously. Those are nice peaceful moments.


The strangest moments though, are when a noise from the outside world seem to answer the thoughts in my head. I have theorized that the delay in auditory processing is just slow enough for the SCM to know which noise is coming, and generates thoughts that fit with the feel of that noise.

[Like Ra]

(sometimes it feels like I force the answer I want to hear, which usually sends me into an apology spiral

Also very familiar. This is what I "feel" about my "automatic writing". Though, my "automatic movements" lead me into quite severe predicaments I would not dare to try by myself, using methods unknown to myself, so, there is definitely something "out there"...

Though, my "automatic movements" lead me into quite severe predicaments

Severe predicaments doesn't sound good.

The furthest I've allowed automatic movements usually involve stretches or massaging my back. I've cleared some knots in my back, received some relieving joint pops, but the best was sitting in the chair 'opposite' than the way I normally do (think crossing right leg instead of left), slowly stretched to the one side, then had my one arm at a 90 angle pointing up, when I rotated the arm downward, I felt that whole side open up into a beautiful stretch.

I've basically have come to seen the automatic movements as a form of kriya yoga (I have no real knowledge of yoga, but I remember hearing Sadghuru talk about the kriya path, and it triggered this thought).

[Like Ra]

automatic movements usually involve

Same + automatic qiqong and yoga.

. I've cleared some knots in my back ...

Same, same, same....

Severe predicaments doesn't sound good.

I must say it is usually very interesting, exciting, scary, arousing, sometimes unpredictable, and thoughtful. And always the question of trust, which you must answer once and forever.

And always the question of trust, which you must answer once and forever.

Indeed that question is always there. It came up multiple times for me, but that might have been because I answered how I feel like I should answer (a half truth) instead of the truth from my heart.

It was only when I gave my full thought of "Im sorry I dont trust you, but I want to. For if I cant trust myself or the Holy Spirit then I truly am without hope."

So now I wear my rosary while trancing. I wear it with the intention that as long as im wearing it, I shouldnt have to "test the spirits" after every thought or emotional feedback (doing so ruined the flow) 

My meditations involve the "why" of things and their duality. The feelings bounce back and forth between one thing and its opposite until they get jumbled to the point where I cant tell which is which. Doing so reveals to me just how insufficient I feel, leaving me with only one option left "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."

I try to take that sentiment and reflect it inward towards myself. As if there were such a thing as being separate (im reminded of Alan Watts here).

Now I just need to figure out if it is actually helping in relieving issues as therapy would, or did I just find a convoluted path of mental masturbation.