Long-term effects from hypnosis and conditioning

I'm trying to be courageous, i actually have experienced a severe physical and mental reactions. Body keeps feminizing, even with anti-aromatase. cannot begin to understand. I want to tell my story but lately i have been seeking mental help and trying to put a halt on anything. 

I have always had somewhat of a dual personality, but this is like, on steroids. 

I had a feeling that i lost my personality a while ago, and only after listening to removal files, that haven't worked completely, do i feel like I can see that personality, but like, its like a plush toy in a claw arcade game, but its toward the bottom, pressed against the glass, with no way to be reached. 

Afraid i have lost reproductive capability w/o hormones. 

I have a whole list of files over the years. 

W/O listing all the files as i'm short on time today, I'll tell you that this is a combination of using various files by "the gods."

- MSJ
- Goddess Gracie
- EMG
- Sarnoga
- Vive
- Nina Temptress
- Bambi
- Catgirl
- Thatonegurll/kasurademonwings
- some Kei
- the Librarian
- Samantha Bandler
- Isabella Valentine (b4 she stopped making fem files)
- a bunch of Randoms from WMM as well. 

I've been a junkie for this stuff, and am afraid of having potentially ruined my life. the effects were wonderful mentally, but it wasn't reality. If i'd not lived at home, i'd have likely changed genders long ago.

Can you please make a drive for all the files you have and share it with everyone or only me if you think it is risky to put on public threads. I can assure you that I specifically know what I want and have a good/decent understanding of hypno files including how they work and are made, so I can safely use and select the files for my goals/needs.

I'm trying to be courageous, i actually have experienced a severe physical and mental reactions. Body keeps feminizing, even with anti-aromatase. cannot begin to understand. I want to tell my story but lately i have been seeking mental help and trying to put a halt on anything. 

I have always had somewhat of a dual personality, but this is like, on steroids. 

I had a feeling that i lost my personality a while ago, and only after listening to removal files, that haven't worked completely, do i feel like I can see that personality, but like, its like a plush toy in a claw arcade game, but its toward the bottom, pressed against the glass, with no way to be reached. 

Afraid i have lost reproductive capability w/o hormones. 

I have a whole list of files over the years. 

W/O listing all the files as i'm short on time today, I'll tell you that this is a combination of using various files by "the gods."

- MSJ
- Goddess Gracie
- EMG
- Sarnoga
- Vive
- Nina Temptress
- Bambi
- Catgirl
- Thatonegurll/kasurademonwings
- some Kei
- the Librarian
- Samantha Bandler
- Isabella Valentine (b4 she stopped making fem files)
- a bunch of Randoms from WMM as well. 

I've been a junkie for this stuff, and am afraid of having potentially ruined my life. the effects were wonderful mentally, but it wasn't reality. If i'd not lived at home, i'd have likely changed genders long ago.

Can you please make a drive for all the files you have and share it with everyone or only me if you think it is risky to put on public threads. I can assure you that I specifically know what I want and have a good/decent understanding of hypno files including how they work and are made, so I can safely use and select the files for my goals/needs.

Almost all of these are Retroshare.   Message me for a private site with some of them also.

I'm trying to be courageous, i actually have experienced a severe physical and mental reactions. Body keeps feminizing, even with anti-aromatase. cannot begin to understand. I want to tell my story but lately i have been seeking mental help and trying to put a halt on anything. 

I have always had somewhat of a dual personality, but this is like, on steroids. 

I had a feeling that i lost my personality a while ago, and only after listening to removal files, that haven't worked completely, do i feel like I can see that personality, but like, its like a plush toy in a claw arcade game, but its toward the bottom, pressed against the glass, with no way to be reached. 

Afraid i have lost reproductive capability w/o hormones. 

I have a whole list of files over the years. 

W/O listing all the files as i'm short on time today, I'll tell you that this is a combination of using various files by "the gods."

- MSJ
- Goddess Gracie
- EMG
- Sarnoga
- Vive
- Nina Temptress
- Bambi
- Catgirl
- Thatonegurll/kasurademonwings
- some Kei
- the Librarian
- Samantha Bandler
- Isabella Valentine (b4 she stopped making fem files)
- a bunch of Randoms from WMM as well. 

I've been a junkie for this stuff, and am afraid of having potentially ruined my life. the effects were wonderful mentally, but it wasn't reality. If i'd not lived at home, i'd have likely changed genders long ago.

Same kind of journey I've been on, minus a few of the domme type tists. I actually started with hypnosis files from mind mistress waay back before I was even 18 I think, then I ended up on WMM, and chatrooms looking for tists and then places like /hypno/ and hypnotube. Probably had some kind of effect but I was crossdressing and doing typically feminine interests before I was even 10 years old so I dunno how much its actually done to me.

So for me, long-term change and personality manipulation through hypnosis is totally a thing, in both a hard "hypnosis changed this about me" way, and a softer "hypnosis made me more comfortable with x which led to y" way.

I'm transfemme, to no one's surprise, and a large part of me learning I was transfemme was through feminization hypnosis. It's not anything too sexy where I listen to a certain file, and it made me a girl, but working though different files and things over nearly a decade helped me get comfortable with my queerness enough to where I started to meet people with different gender expressions, outside of the middle of nowhere town where I grew up. The first time I met someone openly trans was at a hypnosis convention, where I met several people, including a woman with a cyborg style who still sticks in my head and makes me mad I never contacted her after. But that's mostly networking maybe, and just having experiences through kink.

A "harder" hypnosis experience came more recently. I was having erotic hypnosis sessions with an online domme and I had mentioned bimbofication and also dykeification, taking someone who may have an attraction to men and turning them into a strict lesbian. I'd been bi before this, preferring women and queer people but still with a strong attraction to men, so being gay wasn't a big deal, but we plotted out a plan to both bimbofy me and "modify" my attraction to men. And threw sessions and repeated listening to files and some other fun play, I eventually lost nearly all attraction to men. Still to this day, about 4 years later, I've only kissed one guy, and even he said he was more enby than man. But the training I went through then made me bubblier, more ditzy, more willing to show my attraction, and kinda dumber. It was a training, and all the things we did were things I wanted to do, but that's how change through hypnosis works. You gotta want it and work for it. Hypnotic trance, as relaxing as it is, can be work that you put deeper into.

Nice to get to know y'all! Hope to talk to you soon!! <3

I know now that I suffered from gender dysphoria since my childhood. Undiagnosed ADHD did its fair share on damage that I try to repair since my diagnosis at the age of 41.

Nowadays I consider myself non-binary or even trans and if it wouldn't be for my wife I would transition without a second thought. I started with hypnosis around 17 years ago, earlier I was fascinated by mind control stories - the ones in which a boy was controlled, not the power tripping stories in which men control woman. Also, the moment I had my first encounter with Hentai/Futa at the age of 18 I was fascinated by the concept, that someone could become a woman. As a sidenote, I played with dolls as a child and dressed up as a princess, just to be shut down later with "but boys don't wear dresses" and so on...

I learned a lot about hypnosis, read the classics (Dave Elman, Erikson, Bandler and so on) and got a small library now. I always tried to check files for things I don't like or things that do not resonate with me. Someone using feminization in a humiliating kind of way looses rapport with me in an instant.

As it was mentioned here before, my fear of men has improved a lot since starting hypnosis and not the other way around. As a teenager or child I could not go to the gym or public bath if there wasn't a cabin to get dressed. I often dressed last or in the toilet... as I didn't want to be in the boys/mens changing room. I never really had an interest in typical male related activities and i had a lot of female friends...

I would summarize the positive long term effect for me as:
1. I learned to love my body and I know/have the hope I can change it towards my dreambody (even at the age of 44)
2. I learned to let go and go with the flow - I'm happy if I move/speak/act feminine without the shame of my teenage years
3. It helped me loosen up and talk more freely about my kinks (Hypnosis is one of them but there are a bit more)
4. It got me to say yes more...
5. I now paint my nails, try to get some fitting dresses, let my hair grow long and be a lot more feminine without the shame that really got me depressed in my teenage years.
6. I'm pretty sure that at least I can talk about my sexual orientation more freely now due to hypnosis. It is like a mental training - all these files with "you love cock/men" did their part in normalizing thinking about it in a positive way. BTW I never liked men (more the opposite), but strong, muscular men and also strong bears of a man (Biker Daddy) could flirt with me any day, especially if they have dark Vin Diesel like voices.
7. I tried Zen in my teenage years and the concept of ego death does not really scare me - with hypnosis I learned that my mind can change memories and how I remember my reactions to it (I used this in my own files to deal with some trauma). I opened up to change.

I'm pretty sure the conditioning worked in a lot of cases, but I was always in on it.

Negative side effects:
1. Triggers... it is rare but there are some "phrases" and "triggers" I don't remember and if I encounter them in my normal day to day life I'm confused as hell. I'm in Germany and only used English hypno-files, even the ones I do for my own are in English while German is my mother tongue. I worked for a big US company and during a meeting an coworker from the UK said something that kicked me into a blank starring doll mode for a moment - it was noticeable with a coworker asking me if I was fine. This broke the "spell" so to say. There had been at least two other occasions this happened and I'm pretty sure if the right person would say certain things I could end up on my knees in front of them. It's just a short impulse like a short circuit of my brain and I'm equally a bit scared about it as well as excited.

That's all on the negative side as far as I'm concerned.