Life story

[Like Ra]

And yet here we are, at a point where my mother-in-law has even fixed some of my leggings' seam rips (she used to be a professional seamstress).

👍

The reality is plastic 😉

[MIWSTIUS]

And yet here we are, at a point where my mother-in-law has even fixed some of my leggings' seam rips (she used to be a professional seamstress).

👍

The reality is plastic 😉

Please explain, it seems I can't quite understand that metaphor (although it sounds bend-able)..... am I getting warmer?

[Like Ra]

Please explain, it seems I can't quite understand that metaphor (although it sounds bend-able)..... am i getting warmer?

1. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...6#pid30436
2. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...7#pid54377
3. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...4#pid31344
4. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...0#pid69920

😉

[MIWSTIUS]

Please explain, it seems I can't quite understand that metaphor (although it sounds bend-able)..... am i getting warmer?

1. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...6#pid30436
2. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...7#pid54377
3. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...4#pid31344
4. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...0#pid69920

😉

Okay, I only glossed over that content quickly, so I might have misunderstood it to some extent, but I think in regards to my situation I might have gone through those 4 steps in an organic, intuitive manner. But I suppose the foundation for this to work is indeed based on my wife and I, .....eventually.... always seeing eye to eye about the crucial things, despite the fact we're totally different kinds of people.
But even moreso than the concept of a marrital relationship in a bubble, I think the main point is about how couples relate to family, friends and the outside public world. As they say in politics, "optics" can be a real problem. 

And yet somehow, I have transformed that, in a scenario of being in a conservative country with a conservative family-in-law, into acceptance and mutual respect.
As I told my wife, "I'm still the same guy you married. You were aeady very aware and okay with those deep Lycra desires that were aeady there in the first place. The trick seems to be about the ability to not fight the optics, but in how to deal with it, attitude-wise.

OP's story very much reminds me of the guys at the Dutch "men-in-swimsuit" forums. Many of them pouring their heart out about their Lycra and swimsuit fetish. To the point, they have actual swim meets at public pools, all dressed in female one-piece swimsuit. 
And yet, many of them have kept this entire swimsuit thing a secret from their spouse. 
But then comes the time when they post on the forum in full-on panic mode stating that this is their last post because their spouse had found their secret swimsuit stash. Oh my gosh, despite the most creative ways they used to hide the truth for decades...and then it all comes crashing down and they panic purge all of it.

It's not my intention to pry or judge others' relationships, but I do feel sorry for those poor souls and their spouses, for not being able to work it out. 
Just my opinion, but I think a proper relationship should be able to make even that work.

[MIWSTIUS]

Please explain, it seems I can't quite understand that metaphor (although it sounds bend-able)..... am i getting warmer?

1. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...6#pid30436
2. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...7#pid54377
3. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...4#pid31344
4. https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...0#pid69920

😉

Okay, I only glossed over that content quickly, so I might have misunderstood it to some extent, but I think in regards to my situation I might have gone through those 4 steps in an organic, intuitive manner. But I suppose the foundation for this to work is indeed based on my wife and I, .....eventually.... always seeing eye to eye about the crucial things, despite the fact we're totally different kinds of people.
But even moreso than the concept of a marrital relationship in a bubble, I think the main point is about how couples relate to family, friends and the outside public world. As they say in politics, "optics" can be a real problem. 

And yet somehow, I have transformed that, in a scenario of being in a conservative country with a conservative family-in-law, into acceptance and mutual respect.
As I told my wife, "I'm still the same guy you married. You were a1ready very aware and okay with those deep Lycra desires that were a1ready there in the first place. The trick seems to be about the ability to not fight the optics, but in how to deal with it, attitude-wise, as a couple.

OP's story very much reminds me of the guys at the Dutch "men-in-swimsuit" forums. Many of them pouring their heart out about their Lycra and swimsuit fetish. To the point, they have actual swim meets at public pools, all dressed in female one-piece swimsuit. 
And yet, many of them have kept this entire swimsuit thing a secret from their spouse. 
But then comes the time when they post on the forum in full-on panic mode stating that this is their last post because their spouse had found their secret swimsuit stash. Oh my gosh, despite the most creative ways they used to hide the truth for decades...and then it all comes crashing down and they panic purge all of it.

It's not my intention to pry or judge others' relationships, but I do feel sorry for those poor souls and their spouses, for not being able to work it out. 
Just my opinion, but I think a proper relationship should be able to make even that work.

[Like Ra]

BTW, these are all good posts for this thread: https://www.likera.com/forum/mybb/Thread...ell-others

[fiftysometing]

If you have true peace with what you have, then that's okay.

I don't know what "true peace" means in this context. Life is full of give-and-take. We don't get everything we want. Do I *want* to wear leggings (and leotards, and tights, and unitards, and zentai...) basically 24x7 in nearly all public situations? Absolutely, yes. In fact, leggings are aeady a compromise for me. My first love is leotards and tights... especially thong leotards... but while me wearing leggings is at least slightly socially acceptable in some rare situations, me in a thong leotard and tights won't pass muster in pretty much ANY situation, despite that being what I *really* want to wear.

I also don't want to be a spectacle who is laughed at behind my back (and in some cases, right at me), as I strongly suspect I would be in nearly all contexts, including some of the social circles in which I live, by "only" wearing leggings. I simply have to be realistic. And I live in the US, which is less welcoming of such "expression" than most of the world. Probably only the Middle East would view it more harshly.

In fact, my wife initially told me "Don't wear that please, if my mother will ever see you like that, she'd be horrified". 

And yet you went ahead and wore that with her present, and in the presence of her mother, despite her objections? Or did you somehow convince her it would be OK first?

The former is something I would never do. The latter is something I simply can't see happening in my life. My wife would never be OK with it with her at my side. She has accepted what I do today because I'm alone when I do it and it doesn't directly affect her.

[fiftysometing]

OP's story very much reminds me of the guys at the Dutch "men-in-swimsuit" forums. Many of them pouring their heart out about their Lycra and swimsuit fetish. To the point, they have actual swim meets at public pools, all dressed in female one-piece swimsuit. 
And yet, many of them have kept this entire swimsuit thing a secret from their spouse. 

My wife knows about the fetish, and has known about it since before we married, although she did not know this is something that has been with me since childhood. AFAIK, she thinks she triggered it when we started doing Jane Fonda Workout videos together in the 80's and she started talking about me wearing some of the stuff that the girls in the video were wearing and we started buying stuff for me then.

So it's a bit different in that regard.

[MIWSTIUS]

We don't get everything we want.

That was not the essence of my message.
It's not a matter of "to want" , but rather a matter of "to be".

Look, this is not about trying to force our whims on our spouses, in some sort of manchildish way.
This is however, a matter of who you are and if you are accepted for what constitutes your core essence. Those are the questions I suggest you figure out - on truly deeper levels of life.

As most sexuologists / therapists will affirm, fetishes can be a fullfilling, viable addition to any relationship PROVIDED, we don't harm ourselves and others.

I will never advocate pushing fetishes harming our spouses. 

The fact is though, you came here and you posted about your life in great detail. And to be honest, the details are shocking. 
You have a Lycra collection, the size of a retail shop and you spend hours and gasoline to hike the loneliest of hikes, over and over.
And once you return, you elicit only glares of disdain, and perhaps even snide remarks.

With all due respect, Is that the life you wish for yourself and your wife? To be at odds. 

And you may think, that at this stage at this age, any attempt at change is an immature dream? 

Really, it couldn't be further from the truth.
So I'll quote from a story I love in which a chaacter says the following;
"I wasn't looking to find the truth, I was looking to find tranquility" .

And to me, your life post seems to be hoping to search for tranquility - as if people like us here will say, hey, yeah cool story bro and other small talk leading to nothing.


But truth is, us fetishists, we all face that reality and challenge. Regardless of personal situation, we can all find ways to let it enable us and our spouses in this reality, rather than hampering us in a toxic manner of division.




.

Or did you somehow convince her it would be OK first?

This is where Like Ra chimed in perfectly.
What I tried to convey to you here, is a whole process of mutual reflection that preceeds action (ergo; acting upon intent) and the foundation or framework this is based on. Ergo; our relationships.

If the relationship foundation isn't there in that manner, it's something you should be able to work on. Unless you have a1ready decided not to try.

If I understood the content of Like Ra's post at least to some extent, then reality is indeed plastic.


You won't, nor your wife has to fear that you will be the public laughingstock.
None of us have superpowers to eliminate disdain and ridicule, wherever in the world we might be - You will only be the laughing stock if you are not truly you. Who and what you aim to be, is what's going to be decisive.

I don't hold superpowers over all those people, but like me, you can figure out who you are and make things work, as the true you.

fiftysomething
AFAIK, she thinks she triggered it when we started doing Jane Fonda Workout videos together 

Et Voila! I think you pinpointed at least part of the problem right there.
A half truth and an assumption at a critical point in your relationship.

[fiftysometing]

Et Voila! I think you pinpointed at least part of the problem right there.
A half truth and an assumption at a critical point in your relationship.

No doubt. But that is the distant past - roughly 35 years ago - and there is no correcting that at this point.

you spend hours and gasoline to hike the loneliest of hikes, over and over.
And once you return, you elicit only glares of disdain, and perhaps even snide remarks.

That's a bit of an exaggeration on what is happening. 95% of my hikes are pretty close to home (mostly mountains in the middle or around the edge of my city) and I enjoy solo hiking - always have, even before I started wearing during such hikes. When I drive out-of-town for hiking trips (much less frequently), I am more likely to wear during the day, as I did on this last trip (multiple times) which was not so much a hiking trip as a trip I was taking anyway and I just made time to hike along the way.

And no, she doesn't give me glares of disdain or snide remarks. She's basically nonplussed about it and doesn't comment on it at all anymore. When I came home from my most recent trip wearing the leggings shown above, she didn't even blink -- or say anything about it in either direction. I could have been wearing shorts and her reaction would have been the same. She just knows that's what I do. But she's clearly not interested in participating ... and she's so out-of-shape now that it wouldn't be a stretch (no pun intended) to say that spandex looks better on me than it would on her.

And to me, your life post seems to be hoping to search for tranquility - as if people like us here will say, hey, yeah cool story bro and other small talk leading to nothing.

I shared my story because I haven't shared it with anyone in my entire life and it was a way to get it off my chest in an environment where I expected people would be able to identify with some or most of it. I wasn't looking for anyone here to tell me that my life choices about this issue have been wrong and urge me to shake things up and possibly destroy what's left of my marriage. I appreciate your perspective and thank you for it, but I will not take your advice on that matter.

In all likelihood, I will phase out my wearing over time as I continue to age. Even in the past year or so, I have detected a slight reduction in desire to wear, perhaps somewhat coincident with my sex drive reducing over time as well. I am OK with this and it really wouldn't bother me at all if the desire to wear diminished completely over time. I hope it does. As much as I have enjoyed it, it complicates my life and obviously cost me far too much money over the years.