21 Jul 2023, 21:38
I literally can't remember myself anymore. It's super hard. Like, who was I when I was me? That's hard to grasp anymore. You forget entirely that the world is real and that the truth is real. You live in a bubble inside your head. It's almost as if you hypnotize yourself into transgenderism (I don't want to argue about transgenderism and potential causes or whatever, I'm just trying to find a way to communicate what I'm experiencing.) I have literally had conversations with girls that I would never have wanted to have. Things that as a male would be of severe embarrassment, and yet, I feel nothing. I literally became so obsessed that my life goals changed, my focus changed, and the world continued to develop around me. An entire life built inside my pretty little head. When your image of yourself is something that once would have caught your eye, would have attracted you, and you haven't noticed, it's chilling when you finally do.
At this point, it would be easier for me to go all the way. But the unsuspecting world around me would be way past shocked. The hard part is, you make the same assumptions as you did before.
You stop hanging out with your friends because your conscience says, "they're men, and they like manly things, and I don't want to be bored."
When you realize you're uncomfortable in male clothes, and conversations with friends wives and girlfriends are what you gravitate towards. When you realize all the group chats you are in, you are the only biological male. When you do actually do male things (Fishing for example) and the girl that never wears anything but pink and spends hundreds of dollars on her nails a month, and is almost a role model of femininity is more willing to touch the icky slimy fish than you are? You've changed.
I think I can also count the damage watching Paris and Nicole with my babysitter did to me as a child.
At this point, it would be easier for me to go all the way. But the unsuspecting world around me would be way past shocked. The hard part is, you make the same assumptions as you did before.
You stop hanging out with your friends because your conscience says, "they're men, and they like manly things, and I don't want to be bored."
When you realize you're uncomfortable in male clothes, and conversations with friends wives and girlfriends are what you gravitate towards. When you realize all the group chats you are in, you are the only biological male. When you do actually do male things (Fishing for example) and the girl that never wears anything but pink and spends hundreds of dollars on her nails a month, and is almost a role model of femininity is more willing to touch the icky slimy fish than you are? You've changed.
I think I can also count the damage watching Paris and Nicole with my babysitter did to me as a child.