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Full Version: From 'normal' to 'kinky' – a personal review of my fetish development
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Regular readers of Ra’s blog will have spotted that many contributors fetish ‘tastes’ have changed over time, I know mine certainly have and even though I have suffered from the occasional lapse into ‘normality’ and thrown away (yes, I know!) all my gear, I keep coming (cuming?) back for more.

So I thought to expand on my own experiences and see if my downward spiral into the depths of depravity and perversion match anyone else’s!

The beginning:

I couldn’t tell you how it all really began, but I can identify my first ‘fetish’ probably when I was no more than 4 or 5 years old – it was a soft toy with a zip to open it up. Inside was a silky nylon pouch and I have very clear memories of rubbing the nylon against my cheek. I think the term used for such an object is ‘comforter’ and believe this isn’t unusual.


Nothing dramatic seems to have happened in my life up to puberty, but I never lost the delight for rubbing silky objects against my cheek. I recall that the lining material from coats and jackets was a favourite, but anything silky was acceptable.

Puberty – early days:

My first real deviation into the real world of fetishism took place as I became aware of sexual pleasure. Though once again there is no memory of a single event leading up to this, I started to find it pleasurable to rub the silky material against my cock (no ejaculation at this time, I never got that far and didn’t know what was happening). Why my inclusion of rubbing my mother’s tights over my cock came into play I simply do not recall – but around this time I started to ‘borrow’ tights and rub them over my body at night.

Puberty – tights and bondage:

I guess the logical progress from rubbing tights over my body was to try wearing them and that’s what happened next. I don’t know how old I was, but I do fondly recall the feeling of excitement when I secretly wore tights at night (again, no ejaculation yet). The night I first tried a pair of tights over my head is a clear memory, and the time I slid both my arms down the spare leg. The progression to wearing one pair of tights ‘normally’, a second pair over my head with arms together in the spare leg, and a third pair with both my legs inside a single leg of the tights just seemed to naturally happen. I recall late nights where I would writhe around on my bed simply loving the way my body slid across the sheets in its nylon covering. I still hadn’t made the link between this feeling and sexual pleasure, but I had managed my first self-bondage and encasement session!

Puberty – first orgasm

One of the clearest memories of them all; I was still ‘borrowing’ pairs of tights, but had also started to experiment with binding my legs with PVC electricians tape. I had found a role of black tape and one night, after sliding a pair of tights over my legs I used the tape to wrap them together from my ankles to my thighs. The feeling was incredible and I writhed around on my bed until I suddenly felt myself squirting fluid from my cock. At first I was convinced I had urinated and was ashamed, but there was no smell like I expected and the feeling was more pleasurable. It was only years later that I realised I had actually ejaculated!

Late teens – sex on the brain!

I’m not ashamed to say it – I was an addict to masturbation! Once I had made the link between ejaculation and pleasure there was no stopping me. Where I think I was different to the other boys (and who knows for sure), was that I was increasingly wearing tights as I pleasured myself, I had also stopped ‘borrowing’ and was furtively purchasing my own from local supermarkets. On the bondage side I had progressed to using rope and had a small selection of lengths I hid around my bedroom.

Early Twenties – girlfriend, more tights and more bondage

Yes, I was lucky on many fronts. I found the love of my life (she still is) so real and plentiful sex was to replace some of my solo efforts. I was also very lucky to have a well-paid job and could afford to find a place of my own. And, most importantly of all, I had lots of time home alone to experiment with my self-bondage. Tights where plentiful and worn frequently (how I sometimes wish I still had the same opportunity and drive that I did then!) my rope collection was enhanced by leather cuffs and a pair of cheap handcuffs (which weren’t just for my solo play… ) but best of all I’d discovered the joy of anal stimulation. Again, I couldn’t tell you why I started but I do know it was fun. The only downside was that the internet didn’t really exist for mere mortals like me and so things like butt-plugs and other sex toys where an exotic dream only seen in porn magazines. I did start to buy bondage magazines and also came across a wonderful magazine (I think it was called Forum?) that opened my eyes to a much wider world of fetishes and BDSM. Suddenly I wasn’t alone in my fantasies and, in fact, I realised that far from being some huge pervert I was only dipping my nylon clad toe into a world full of amazing sexual diversions.

Late twenties and early thirties – the golden years: enemas, latex, boots…

A shift pattern at work that guaranteed hours of home alone time really let me expand my horizons. Suddenly simple bondage wasn’t enough, and with the internet came online shopping and sex toys no longer held the fear of entering some seedy sex shop in the city. My early purchases (after some for my GF of course), included a butt-plug, latex mask, latex sheath pants and latex dress.

The first time I wore latex I knew I was hooked! The feeling of the material and its tightness just lit up a session and when I combined them with tights and bondage the world was full of sexual pleasure.
My self-bondage was now becoming quite complex and stringent; I found that the tighter it was the more I loved it. Looking back, I now realise that I was seeking more extreme scenarios to get my sexual high. It was no longer enough to pull on a pair of tights and masturbate… I HAD to be wearing at least 4 pairs and rope before I could get properly aroused. During this time I set my personal record for pairs of tights worn at the same time – 18! I was, to put in simply, a tights junkie! I had over 40 pairs of tights and several pairs of stockings that I regularly used.

I had a further opportunity to expand my tastes with a full week of guaranteed home alone fun, which coincided with time off work and a pretty good bank balance. I finally ordered a pair of high-heeled ankle boots (you’ll see them in many of my photos) and an enema plug (actually an ‘ejaculating’ plug). I also managed my first nights of sleeping whilst being dressed in tights and Lycra, but sadly couldn’t manage to sleep whilst bound. I also took my first videos of a self-bondage session for the first time.

However, it was my experiments with cling film and vacuum bags that came first. Why I suddenly moved away from encasement in tights and latex to plastic I don’t know, but I do know I loved it!
Next came an enema; I had been stimulated by the thought of an enema for months after reading some of the bondage stories posted on various internet sites. Even so the first time was really quite scary, but the feelings where so good and exciting that I knew I was hooked.

And today – still playing and trying some new things…

I suspect my fetishes may have reached a level now where new is less important than better. I’m placing myself in better self-bondage positions. My vacuum self-bondage is better than ever and my attention to detail is also more focused.

For one reason or another my latex dreams are, literally, in tatters (I damaged the latex dress, hood and pants beyond repair over the years) and not immediately likely to re-start due to costs. Enemas have also been very few and far between over the last few years, not through lack of desire, but more through lack of opportunity and equipment failure.

There are some new elements: nipple-clamps are sometimes fun and I enjoy the sensation of mild pain/pleasure they bring in a session (but not every session). Remote stimulation using the massager is a real delight and I still strive to achieve the perfect HFO (hands free orgasm), which must not come until after I have been teased for a long time. I also have purchased various full body Zentai type items, which are great fun.

I do have incredibly strong fantasies about being fucked whilst in self-bondage by a cock (not by a man, just by a cock…usually - specific difference I think). But I do not see this ever becoming a reality (mechanical fucking machine?) and it is simply a very pleasant thought to use during a long self-bondage session. I would like to find a way to create the sensation of a cock cuming in my ass or mouth, which sounds fun.😁

I also am fascinated my electro-stimulation, mainly as a way to achieve my desire for HFO, but again I think this will remain a fantasy only.

So there you have my tale of a slow, but steady, downward spiral from the innocent rubbing silky material against my face all the way to the deepest depravity of being encased in pantyhose, dressed in women’s latex clothing, tightly bound in a plastic vacuum, with nipples clamped and ass stuffed at the same time as having my cock zapped by electric current, a mouth filling cock spurting salty cum down my throat and an enema filling my bowels. 😇

Personally I can’t see any problem! 😁


Ps. does anyone really know what 'normal' is? Or, for that matter, what defines 'kinky'?
(06 Nov 2012, 12:18 )madjack Wrote: [ -> ]Ps. does anyone really know what 'normal' is? Or, for that matter, what defines 'kinky'?
Sure! See this post: Paraphilias, sexual fetishes, normality, deviations and men vs women
(06 Nov 2012, 16:37 )Like Ra Wrote: [ -> ]
(06 Nov 2012, 12:18 )madjack Wrote: [ -> ]Ps. does anyone really know what 'normal' is? Or, for that matter, what defines 'kinky'?
Sure! See this post: Paraphilias, sexual fetishes, normality, deviations and men vs women

...and that always seems to lead us back into the subjective area of 'normality' and who or what defines it.

Take something as simple as wearing a dress - women do and men don't, isn't that the 'normal'?

Not so simple though. Ask yourself what a dress actually is? Isn't a clergyman's cassock also a dress? What about a sarong, don't forget kilts (proper 'great kilts', not just a modern 'skirt' kilt, but that is yet another issue) and the Jellabiya? All could be argued to be dresses and therefor womens clothing, but they are not because... ?

Isn't life fun 😁

(06 Nov 2012, 18:48 )madjack Wrote: [ -> ]..and that always seems to lead us back into the subjective area of 'normality' and who or what defines it.
Absolutely. "Normality" is a very subjective thing. Normal is what "other" think is normal. Among mutants being a mutant is normal.
I rembered my first pop. My first time was wearing sweat pants and sweatshirt while doing some selfbondage. WOW.. what a feeling that was. I thought that all of my insides were comeing out of my penis. Thick and pure white, almost like squessing out a full tube of toothpast till all I had was a flatten tube.

Ahh... them were the days.
(06 Nov 2012, 12:18 )madjack Wrote: [ -> ]I do have incredibly strong fantasies about being fucked whilst in self-bondage by a cock (not by a man, just by a cock…usually - specific difference I think). But I do not see this ever becoming a reality (mechanical fucking machine?) and it is simply a very pleasant thought to use during a long self-bondage session. I would like to find a way to create the sensation of a cock cuming in my ass or mouth, which sounds fun.
Oh, yes. I begin to think of it as of a common wish/desire/lust - no man, but cocks. Something I've been dreaming about for years. On the other hand, it would be fun if there was someone behind, because a fucking machine (while sounds interesting) can become too mechanical and boring.

(06 Nov 2012, 12:18 )madjack Wrote: [ -> ]downward spiral
I would call it - an upward spiral. From primitive to complex, it can't be downward 😉
I agree, fucking machines are boring.
Now, if one had a puslating cock with a blater connected to it,
( I am thinking of a Bee's stinger)
And wrap something called a mussel wires around it, held in place with a chastity strap so it can't come out, then after you sie yourself up, the dildo would turn on somehow (maybe by pulling a string so the batteries are connected), the cock would lenghten and shorten to the point that the mussle wires at one point start to squart cumm deep inside you. Then, after a short time, it starts up again. But with no cumm. But it would feel like you'rr being gangbanged.... at lease for a while.

I think that this could be built.
It's amazing how similar your story is to my own, madjack. There are a few key differences, but it was extremely easy to relate to.
Kudos for your memory too, I wish mine was as eidetic...

I'm sorry to hear that you've thrown your fetish related stuff away before, too. I did that when I left my parents house and decided to 'grow up'.
What a huge mistake. I still regret doing it to this day. And I didn't 'grow up' at all; I got worse, just like you describe with your 'downward spiral'.
Although... I agree with Like Ra: I wouldn't describe it as a downward spiral. However, I wouldn't necessarily say it was an upward one, either. I tend to think of it as more of an outward one.
I imagine it's the same spiral that's always been there, it's just getting less and less tightly wound as you spread out your thoughts on fetishism and discover and experience more that you enjoy.
Personally, I'm looking forward to the point that my own spiral has sprung out to it's fullest; I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I gave it all a damn good shot.

As for your question on 'normality':
I also agree that it is completely subjective. (I've never quite heard it being put so elegantly, as how you put it though, Like Ra. I'll need to remember that mutant bit!)
Depending on where you stand, normal could mean anything.
I'm not a great fan of the word, though I'm beginning to realise that if we were all 'normal' then a kink just wouldn't be a kink.
It's the knowledge that I'm doing something that a lot of 'normal' people wouldn't do, that makes me enjoy it even more.
Being someone who deviates from 'the norm' has been a part of me for so long that I've no idea what it's like to be 'normal' anymore. And to be honest, I don't miss it. Without my fetishes in my life, I would be so damn bored: Work, dinner, TV, bed. Work, dinner, TV, bed. Sod that!
Add even a teeny bit of kink, such as wearing a basic cock ring throughout, and it suddenly sounds like fun again though.
It just seems so wrong to fight my desires, it doesn't feel 'normal' to me at all.

As it happens, one of my more recent desires was to try out one of those 'fucking machines'.
I wanted to feel what it was like to have something fuck me, without constantly being reminded that I was fucking myself, so, last year, I bought an 'Ultimate dildo thruster machine' for my gf's xmas (knowing full well that I could secretly have the use of it).
It's promise of 8 strokes per second, and the thought of being able to just lie there in comfort as it did all the hard work, was just too hard to resist.
The first time I tried it though, I quickly found that, once again, my fantasies had managed to get a bit fanciful; it didn't satisfy any of my desires. Not one!
It was harder to hold the damn thing in place than it would have been for me to do the work myself. And even when I did manage to secure it (which ruined the comfort aspect), a 3-inch stroke (if that!), at 8 strokes per second, feels more like a vibrator than someone trying desperately to reach an orgasm...
I tried it slow, I tried it fast, I tried any position I could, but it was all pointless. It just didn't live up to my wild expectations.
Needless to say, it's was used that one time and has sat in the toy cupboard for nearly a year. My gf didn't even fancy trying it!
The only positive I took from the whole experience, was knowing that I got sidetracked by the impressive numbers and mistakenly bought a 'toy', not a machine. A mistake I wouldn't have to make again...
The next fucking machine I buy will have a slower, deeper stroke. Much deeper...

While I agree with the fact that fucking machines are 'boring', due to their lifelessness and lack of spontaneity, I'd be more than happy to be strapped down like this:

[Image: 278116219857728.jpg]

while a 12x2 inch rubber salami is plunged into my internals by this bad-ass:

[Image: Untitled243.gif]
(If anyone knows anywhere to get one of these, let me know please 😇 )

Just until someone perfects something less monotonous, of course. 😉

Sorry for the wall of text...
I don't know about the machine in the video, But I know the parts it was made from. I work in Calif. USA and at some of the fast food placer, there are kid's playlands. They are connected with 2 inch tubing and a set of connectors. Alan screws holds the tubing together.

Can I make one? I think so.

As for me, I want a fucking machine that would feel like I was being fucked to the point where at any time, a small pump would squirt about a 1/4 cup of cumm in 5 good shots that I can feel as it shoots inside of me.

I am thinking of a fucking robot. 2 arms with what seems like hands that would grab my waist and pull me back while a dildo, is thrused deep in my ass. At some random time, after at lease after 8 good thrusts, the robot would pull me all the way back while the dildo is shoved as far as it can.
At that time, the pump would shoot the cumm inside me. After about a minet of down time, the robot withdraw the dildo and the arms would release my waist, allowing me to get free.

Ahh... dreams.
(09 Nov 2012, 15:15 )Like Ra Wrote: [ -> ]
Quote:downward spiral
I would call it - an upward spiral. From primitive to complex, it can't be downward 😉
And this is the promised post: Nana to Kaoru. Chapter 12. Fetish, bondage and natural progress
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