(13 Sep 2012, 22:57 )Like Ra Wrote: [ -> ]The partner should also eventually free you up, right? If you enjoy the possibility to be bound forever (aka fear of death), you can bind yourself in a forest (or in a gay meeting place/forest) without any time-locks and wait until someone (possibly the police) finds you and possibly release.
I don't think that I'll like/do that in the next 10 years give or take.
(15 Sep 2012, 02:23 )Strappado Wrote: [ -> ]At the end of such a day, in bed, I sometimes start dreaming about things that I couldn't do alone and THAT works. Only brains, you see? And some sort of penetration.
Hm. I don't know if I am fantasizing hard enough, but this leaves me unsatisfied after all the years imagining. But you are right, actually fantasizing should be enough. After an orgasm at least I am not that "motivated" anymore anyway.
This is actually a good point to change or widen the topic:
I see myself as the destroyed generation 'Porno'. I started watching Hentai clips approx. with 13. I watched my first full hentai: Princess 69 maybe one year later and I find this Hentai still arousing today (20 years), which means I started with one of the hardest.
Now the problem besides blunted affects is that it always looks so enjoyable in Hentais and Doujins. This leads to two problems:
1.)I am unsure whether I did it always or not, or just didn't notice myself doing it, but since some time I always imagine myself in the position of the bound, raped or simply fucked girl. Even for blowjobs, which seems gay even to me - no offense here, but I think of myself as a heterosexual, at least I find girls so beautiful that I want to be one to some extent 😟.
-I may have started doing so because of my innate? love of bondage and because it was always the girls being bound. (If this love was innate and my full personality comes from my mother like my appearance stems from my father, then - I wonder - does my mother also love bondage? I know that many people do many weird things. I think it was "120 days of Sodom" (novel) and many other books and finally over past days you 'Like Ra' which made me realize that all these obscurities are fairly human.
-Or maybe the porn made me crooked and because it looked so enjoyable. This would be rather bad and another reason to make porn x-rated, although my general point of view is: let everyone get all information and then let them decide how to handle with them.
2.)This problem is the reason I find myself writing here. I know that my love for bondage was more or less always there, but all the other things I only tried out, because it looked so enjoyable in Hentais. For example anal-play: The thought of doing it is so much more arousing than the real deal, but even so I can only think: if the notion is this arousing, then the real thing should be even better.
http://g.e-hentai.org/s/5ec1286567/241251-10 http://g.e-hentai.org/s/3aa96fd3f4/170110-12 These Doujins are one of my all-time favorites and yesterday after many years of yearning I tried to recreate this situations. But even after two enemas I still wasn't clean and I only got around 5 ping pong balls inside (so only the rectum) before I had to stop because it didn't seem to enter the sigmoid colon without some pain and because my bowel movements seemed to start (and I have had an inflatable anal butt plug for 2 years now). So, all in all I failed. But I know myself and will definitely want to try this again so badly in one year that I'll do it again.
That's all. Sorry, I didn't have many opportunities to speak about these things with anyone, so it all got unleashed here and therefore is a bit unsorted.